Secrets and Lies
by mabelreid
Summary: Meet Amy Ryan, an operative for a shadowy government agency that wants Dr Reid's talents for their own purposes. Her assignment: recruit him any way possible.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/n hello all. Here is my newest story. Be warned that this is written mostly in the first person and from the point of view of Agent Amy Ryan. The rating may go up to an M in later chapters.**_

_**Disclaimer: Only Amy and any other original characters are mine.**_

The large metal door swung open on silent hidden hinges. The room was stark white and empty except for a large conference table and several chairs, the lights above the room where as bright as those in a hospital operating room, and they hurt my eyes.

He gestured to the chair across the table and I sat down. "The assignment you've accepted is of the utmost importance to the agency. "

"I should have thought the safety of the country was more important," I responded a bit impatiently.

He waved off my concerns like they were nothing. "You know we don't answer to anyone but the Director, Agent Ryan."

"I know that, I'm just concerned at the attitude of the agency lately."

"I wouldn't question the motives of your superiors. Everyone here works for the good of this country. It is our ultimate goal."

I watched the man across from me. He was fat, with a bald spot in his dark brown hair at the top of his head. He wore a gold signet ring on his right pinky. It was some kind of fraternity ring. I think he went to Harvard. He was about five foot seven and his eyes were dark brown and cold.

"I hope that's true." I told him. "I'm doing this as ordered, because I believe the target to be as valuable as you do."

"I see you've done your homework."

"Yes… I know the target inside and out. I'll get the job done without exposing us."

"Good… you know what happens to you if you fail."

I suppressed the urge to tell this man in front of me not to waste his time threatening me. I've faced worse than the anger of the Director.

"Please don't threaten me Stanford. I don't need you to tell me what failure means."

Stanford slapped both hands on the table. "Don't presume to tell me what to do!"

I forced myself not to react. "If that's all, I'd like to go finish preparing for this job." I stood up and he scowled up at me.

"Just remember who you are and where your loyalties lie."

"I've never forgotten," I assured him.

"Your flight leaves at eight am. Everything you need to fit into your role will be on the plane. Don't be late."

I resisted the urge to pull my gun from the shoulder holster I wore and shoot this annoying man. It would be satisfying, but it would also get me killed.

"I'll be there," I left the room before he could lecture me again.

The hallway from the conference room to the elevators was silent. The sound proofing was excellent and it grated on my ears. I wanted to hear some loud rock and roll, or the horns of cars honking underneath the window of my apartment. Maybe the place I would be living in till my assignment was over would be a little noisy, and then maybe I would be able to sleep.

The elevator opened as soon as I pushed the call button. I entered the car and stood straight and tall throughout the whole ride to the surface. There was surveillance cameras everywhere in the compound and it wouldn't do to give into the exhaustion that was creeping up in my bones. He would see it as a weakness and any weakness now could set the hounds on me.

The drive to my apartment was tedious and very long that night. The traffic was terrible for that time of night. When I finally saw the accident in front of me it was too late to change my route. What is it about people that they have to slow down and look at stuff like that? I don't want to see the results of other people's stupidity.

My apartment is on the top of the building on the north east corner. It's a large loft, with twenty foot ceilings. The whole apartment is one big room. My king size bed sits against the north wall. The brass head board is an antique I picked up in California. The floors are hardwood, and the braided throw rugs were made by my grandmother. She passed away when I was sixteen. I miss her a lot. I have a computer station across from my bed that's glass and metal, and very modern. The printer's out of ink and paper, even though I don't spend much time here.

All the appliances are new and I put the kettle on for a cup of peppermint tea. The living area is in the exact middle of the fifteen hundred square foot apartment. I have maroon leather couches and a love seat. There is a matching leather easy chair and ottoman. The coffee table matches my computer station. It's all very neat and clean. There's no art on the walls. I'm never here to sit down and look at it.

The tea is ready and I go to pour out a cup and start the tea bag steeping. The smell of the tea begins to relax the muscles in my neck. Sometimes my job is too stressful to be dealt with, and I have to shut if off. I sit down on the loveseat and try to just concentrate on the white painted walls around me. It doesn't work. I can't get that face out of my mind.

My target calls to me. I go to my desk and pull out the file. I take it back to the love seat and sit down. I didn't need to read the first page. It was a description of my target:

Height: 6 foot 1 inch tall

Weight: 140 pounds.

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Brown

Name: Dr. Spencer Reid.

Education: University of Nevada Las Vegas,

Post Graduate education: Harvard

Honors received:

PhD: Mathematics

PhD: Psychology

PhD: Physics

Professional experience: Subject recruited to the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the fall of 2001 at the age of twenty one. After training, subject joined the Behavioral Analysis Unit.

I read the rest of the file even though I had memorized it long ago. There was a photograph of the young Dr. Reid in the jacket and I removed it. I didn't need to look at it. I couldn't get his face out of my mind if I tried. When I had first seen the photograph, I was unpleasantly surprised to realize that my target was so attractive. He looked as though he should be a model on the catwalk, not an FBI agent.

I had expected that Dr. Reid would have coke bottle glasses, pocket protectors, and bad acne. I never expected large chocolate eyes that seemed to look into mine from the file folder and read my soul. I never expected a long, lean body that induced sweaty erotic dreams, or hands that I wanted tangled in my hair. Yes… this eventuality would make the job more pleasant, but also more difficult at the same time.

I picked up the remote for the TV and turned it on with the DVD player. An agency made surveillance tape popped up on the screen. He was leaving the BAU's jet with his team in Los Angeles. The sun had been bright that day and he wore sunglasses over his incredible eyes, but somehow that made him even more mysterious. He wasn't smiling, but the way his body moved brought to mind a jungle cat stalking its prey. I tried to tell myself I was watching this as purely research to determine the best way to do what I had to do, but in reality there was no denying the wish in my heart that he wasn't my intended target.

I turned off the video and went to bed. My mind wouldn't let go of the images that had been imprinted there. His face was forever in front of my eyes, and I knew that I would dream about him again just as I had every night for the last three weeks. I knew my attraction to my target was dangerous. Emotional detachment was something I prided myself on, and losing it with this new assignment was freaking me out just a little.

I switched off the light over my bed and watched the moonlight leaking through the blinds over the windows. Tomorrow it begins.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/n hey all, thank you all very much for your reviews and interest in this story. Here is the next chapter. I hope you like it.**_

_**See the first chapter for disclaimers and warnings. **_

The flight to Virginia the next morning was tedious. At least it was a private agency jet, which meant that I didn't have to sit next to a traveling paper goods salesman from Omaha, or a school teacher from Philadelphia that wanted to tell you their life story.

I slept for the entire flight as my night had been interrupted with dreams that seemed so real they scared me. I thought that I was past being afraid. The past is a crazy thing though, the tiniest little thing can set off a memory you thought was dead and buried.

_(Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Let us pray for the soul of our departed …)_

The voice of the pilot pulled me out of the sandman's embrace before another dream could hold me in its chains. She said we were about to land and that I would be met at the airport. My bag was under the seat and I pulled it out to go over my new identity. My first name was the same. I think it's easier to pull off a lie if you tell a little bit of truth, like grains of pepper mixed into a tasteless mush. My last name would be Lange. I picked it from Lana Lange of Superman. Yeah… not very original, but it was the best I could come up with at the time. The best part is that it's not an alias I've used before and therefore can't be traced back to me.

I met the agent, and the car that was waiting for me, and he took me into Arlington and to Dr. Spencer Reid's apartment building. I still don't know how they were able to get me into the apartment right about him. It's better for my health if I don't know how the agency does a lot of the things it does.

The apartment is sparsely furnished, except for the top of the line computer that has been set up to run on the agency's software, which is completely hacker proof. It will serve as my connection to the agency and its vast resources. I stored my gun in a locked box on the highest shelf in the closet. I can't carry it with me, which makes me very nervous. I can't risk anyone seeing it. It's not legally registered of course, and I can't be arrested for carrying a concealed weapon without a permit. Anyway, Dr. Reid is hardly a threat to me or the agency, so it doesn't matter.

The one bag I have with me is unpacked very quickly. The rest of my "uniform" for the job is to be bought with Agency funds. There is a clothing store near to where I'm going to live and I am able to finish that chore quickly. The agent that met me at the airport accompanies me during the trip, but then disappeared when I had finished. He has other business to attend to, and it won't do for anyone at the complex to see us together. I'm exhausted at the end of the day, and for the first time since I was handed the folder on Dr Reid and told that I would be bringing him into the fold, I'm able to sleep through the night.

--

I can't believe that three weeks have gone by since the Agency sent me to Virginia. I've spent every waking moment watching my target and getting to know his routine. I know him better than he knows himself now, but I still don't know the best way to insert myself into his life.

I got a call from Stanford today. He's not pleased with the time frame, but I convinced him that it's necessary to take things slowly and do this right. The target is too important to risk scaring off. If his superiors get wind of this, he'll disappear into protective custody and I'll never get a second chance.

My cover is perfect. I'm a college student at Georgetown University majoring in English Literature. I've gone to class everyday to make the professors, and other students used to my presence and to make it easier to blend in. My grades so far are good, not spectacular, but good enough to not get me noticed for slacking off.

I woke up this morning and saw the grey sky and the storm clouds, and realized that it was time to do my job. For some odd reason, I'm feeling very reluctant to get started with this job. I have to remind myself that this is just another job, that Spencer Reid is nothing to me on a personal level. I wish that I could believe that. I wish that I hadn't been studying him for so long before coming to DC. There is something in his eyes that pulls me to him.

Well… I'm not going to go there. I have an important job to do. I will do it and move on to the next one. Today is a busy day. He'll meet me for the first time. It's time to make everything I know about Dr. Spencer Reid work for me. I can only assuage my own conscience by realizing that national security is at stake. What happens to him when I'm done with my assignment doesn't matter!

I get dressed and I make sure to leave the building after Dr. Reid does. He still doesn't realize that I'm in the apartment right above him, or that I have hidden cameras in his apartment so he can be watched between cases.

It was hard to walk out the door. I went through all of my clothes and then I spent a very long time in front of the mirror wondering if I looked to old to be a student. Will Reid notice and will he believe me when I "bump" into him. The jeans I picked out to wear look to new. The black tee shirt looks to gothic and depressing. I decide to grab my denim jacket and converse shoes to see if that would help my nerves. The jacket is better with the tee shirt when I put it on and I'm confident that I'll be able to do my job.

I make sure that I turn off the monitor to the computer before I leave. I lock the door after grabbing my books for school. My next door neighbor is leaving at the same time and he tries to hit on me, even after I've told him directly that I'm not interested and to back off. What is it about men that they can't take no for an answer. I bet that Reid wouldn't treat a woman like that. Okay… I have to stop doing this! I can't compare my target to every man I meet.

I finally manage to ditch the pervert, and get out of the building and down the street to the Metro Station. Just like every morning he's in town, Reid is in the Starbucks for coffee. He is dashing out with a giant cup of his favorite beverage when I run down the sidewalk. He doesn't notice me just like always. I'm torn between impatience, and relief at this lack of attention to his surroundings. It's no wonder that Tobias Henkel was able to kidnap him. What FBI agent doesn't know how to sense someone watching them?

On the other hand, it makes my job easier. He won't suspect me and it will be easier to fool him.

I follow him to the train and nearly miss getting on because of the crowd. He doesn't realize that I'm standing just feet away from him. I don't know why the crowd never bothers him, but he seems to take it in stride, even the guy that bumped into him and almost knocked him to the ground. Reid apologized even thought it wasn't his fault.

The ride was the longest I've ever taken and when we got off the train I took the opportunity to bump into Reid. I said that taking so many weeks to prepare for this assignment was necessary, but after all the working, and the planning, and studying, I wasn't prepared to have those incredible eyes right in front of me looking down at me with their guilelessness. Oh God… what am I going to say!

"Oh… ah… I'm sorry." Reid started to stutter and flush red.

"Don't apologize, it's my fault." I assure him.

He nodded and would have passed on, but I stop him with a hand on his arm. "Hey… I've seen you before, do you work around here."

"Yeah… I work at Quantico." He was looking at me with marked suspicion and I re-evaluated his alertness.

"Really… are you an FBI agent." I tried to put as light a tone in my voice as I could. If I could convince him I was just "star struck" by a real live agent, it might be okay!

"Yeah… um… I really have to go." He pulled away, looking less suspicious and more harried. I know he hates to be late.

"Listen… I know this is really forward, and you don't know me, but I wondered if we could have coffee sometime." I was mentally crossing my fingers.

"Why…." He asked the suspicion had come back into his eyes.

"I know it's very odd… but I've seen you on the train a few times and it's taken me ages to work up the courage to talk to you." The tremor in my voice wasn't a put on. What if this all went wrong?

He stared me down for long minutes. I was thankful for my agency training that allowed me to endure the scrutiny without flinching. He looked very calculating and I was beginning to think that I had underestimated him.

Then the light changed in his eyes and his cheeks went pink again. "I want to go but…"

"Are you married?"

"What… no… of course not… It's just that it's hard for me to commit to a date. I'm a profiler and I might have to go out of town."

"Really… I think that's cool. Listen, why don't you take my number and call me tonight even if you're not in town. We'll work something out."

"Sure, that would be great."

He turned to leave and I had to stop him again. It was hard not to laugh. "Don't you want my number and my name?" "Oh yeah…" He blushed while I pulled a piece of paper and a pen from my bag, and wrote my number and name on it.

"I'm Amy Lange." I gave him the paper. His hand brushed mine and a curious shivering sensation ran up my spine. I could feel my face getting hot.

"Oh… I'm Reid. Ah… I mean my name is Spencer Reid."

"Well Spencer… It's good to meet you."

"Yeah… it was." He left after giving me a small wave and smile.

Contact with my target had been achieved. I was on my way to achieving my goal. So why did I feel like I was leading an innocent lamb to slaughter?


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/n hello all, here's the next chapter. Thanks to all who've reviewed or added this to their alerts.**_

_**Disclaimer: See Chapter one. **_

He's home tonight. I didn't think he would be. I never expect him to walk through the door when the work day is done, but he came home today. My homework for Economics 101 was forgotten when I glanced up at the cameras. The motion sensor on the tiny hidden camera angled at his front door lit up a light on my computer. I began watching him move around the apartment. The cameras are state of the art and working just the way I thought they would. I turned on the speakers and adjusted the sound so that I could hear what he said.

He's feeding the little canary in its cage. The bird is green and gold and it put up an un-holy fuss when I "invited" myself into his apartment to set up the surveillance cameras. I can't understand why he would want a noisy little bird like that fluttering around in a cage. It isn't like he can take the bird out for walks or pet it. I just don't get the attraction. He's talking to the bird and it makes me smile. I sometimes wonder if he's too good to be real. Has the FBI built the perfect profiler out of snips, and snails, and puppy dog tails?

Anyway he's in the kitchen now. I remember the first time I saw a video tape of him. I thought that he probably never eats, but I was wrong. I would kill for his metabolism. He actually cooks when he's home, and it isn't simple little meals. His kitchen is neater than I've ever seen. It has light yellow walls that pick up the sunlight that comes in through matching blinds over the south facing window. The counter tops are laminate in dark blue. The tile floors are a cream and white pattern. He must have charmed the landlord into doing some remodeling. My kitchen is still in the dark ages, but I digress… He has stainless steel appliances, and an array of knives, and pot and pans that would make a chef weep with jealousy.

He's finished with his dinner preparations. It looks like he's just having a sandwich tonight. It looks like ham and cheese, and probably tastes better than the cheeseburger I'm eating from the Burger Barn. He sits and stares at the wall while eating. I don't know how a person can just sit and eat. I need a book or TV to entertain my brain.

The bird is chirping again. I told you that it's annoying. He goes over to the cage and starts talking to the bird again, as though it's a little child. I almost laugh. He's such a sweet and caring person.

He's back at the table and he finishes his small supper. He cleans up the small mess and heads into the living room, just like every night he's home. There is a bookcase along the north wall of his living room that covers the entire wall. It is the biggest bookcase I have ever seen in my life. He has books of every kind you can imagine. There are poetry books, and books on history, philosophy, and art. He has several of the latest best sellers of fiction, which was a surprise to see. He even has several bodice ripping romance novels.

He has an entertainment center along the west wall with a big screen television and a DVD player. There are only half as many movies alphabetized in the cabinet. The bookcase and the entertainment center are stained black, and match the black leather couch and easy chair. The triangle shaped coffee table is glass in the center, and the same black wood as the entertainment center and the bookcase. It should be depressing, but there are red, dark blue, deep purple and, gold throw rugs and pillows scattered over the carpet and the furniture to keep it colorful.

His bedroom has a double bed with an ebony head board and foot board. The bedding was a surprise, silk sheets in gold and red with matching pillow cases and comforter. There is another black leather easy chair in one corner of the room. He has a second bookcase along one wall and a computer station at the other. His closet is ruthlessly organized with all of his clothes arranged by color and then by use. He has exactly two pairs of jeans and three tee shirts. The rest of his clothes are work clothes or the assistant professor look as I like to call it.

I don't know what his bathroom looks like. I couldn't bring myself to put cameras in there, despite the temptation and the explicit orders of my boss. I'm already crossing the line. I'm not going to leap right over it now. I shouldn't let it bother me. I have a job to do, but I'm finding it very hard to not feel something for this awkward young man.

--

"_Why did you lock the door, you little bitch. I told you I won't stand for a locked bathroom door."_

"_Mama… please don't I promise I'll remember next time."_

"_What were you doing in there? Only sinful little girl lock doors. I won't have that kind of behavior in this house."_

_Her head rocked back from the force of her mother's slap to her face. Her hand left a stark red print on the pale white skin._

"_Mama…"_

"_I'll teach you…"_

_She passed out fifteen minutes later when her mother landed the last punch to her gut. Her twelve year old legs buckled, and she hit the floor and fell into blackness._

_--_

The ringing of my cell phone pulled me screaming from another nightmare. My heart was going so fast, I felt like I had run several miles in my sleep. My cheek hurt from lying on the desk. At least that is what I told myself. It wasn't the ghost of pain from that long ago slap. It couldn't be… She was gone…. The phone rang again like an accusation and I looked at the clock. I was late for check in with Stanford. He was going to be pissed.

I picked up the phone and said "Hello Stanford, can't you get a life instead of hassling me." My voice was steady but irritated.

There was a long pause on the line and then a voice said. "Ah… is this Amy?"

Damn… it was him. It was Reid. I hadn't been paying attention to the line indicator that activated the trace on his home line. The light was on, a lot of good it did me now.

"Oh… ah yeah… this is Amy. Who is this?"

"_It's Reid… I mean Spencer… I mean its Dr. Spencer Reid."_

"Oh right… I didn't recognize your voice, Agent Reid."

"_It's okay… I ah… I was just calling to see… I wanted to know if you still wanted to go for coffee sometime."_

I can see him standing by the wall mounted phone, chewing on his bottom lip and looking absolutely adorable. Wait… I can't think things like that. I have to focus on the job at hand.

_(You're worthless you little bitch. You've never done anything right in your life.)_

"_Um… Amy… Are you still there?"_

I heard his voice from a long way away and shook my head to clear that voice out of my mind. Not now, I couldn't have the distraction now. I had to concentrate.

"Yeah… I'm fine. I guess I didn't think you would call me." There was silence on the line again, but I thought that I could hear him breathing very fast. "Agent Reid… Are you still there?"

"_Yeah… I just don't know why you would say that."_

"What… That I didn't think you would call me. You're very cute. You're a big time FBI agent and all. Why would you call me for a date?"

I was looking at my computer screen and I could see that he was blushing. I heard a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line and it made me want to laugh. He's really cute!

"_Are you k-kidding, y-you're so p-pretty. I t-thought you would s-say no or laugh and h-hang up on me."_

"Dr. Reid did you forget that it was me that approached you?"

"_N-no I g-guess I thought… well I don't k-know what I t-thought."_

"Don't worry I want to go out with you or I wouldn't have asked. How about Friday morning, is that okay?"

"_Oh… okay… as long as I'm not on a case."_

At least he'd stopped stuttering, but he was still very red in the face and he was pacing the floor of the hallway to his bedroom with the phone in his hand. The damn bird was chirping in the background and I wanted to strangle it.

"Good… How about seven thirty. I have a very early class."

"_Sure that sounds good. Where should we meet? Do you want me to pick you up?"_

"No… I'll meet you at the Starbucks near the Metro stop on 9th."

"_Okay… um I guess it's a date."_

"Yeah… it is. I'll see you on Friday, Dr. Reid."

I shut my phone and laughed when I saw Agent Reid punch the air with his fist and yell "Yes," to an empty apartment. He really was adorable.

I opened my phone and dialed up Stanford. I told him that contact had been established with Agent Reid. He wanted to know all about it and how fast I would be able to accomplish my mission. I told him that it was going to have to be slow and delicate. He wasn't happy with this answer, but I told him he would have to wait. I'm the best person for this job and he knows it.

I finally got him off the phone and went back to watching Reid, who'd gone into his bedroom. I switched over to the camera in the bedroom and saw that he was stripping out of his work clothes. He already had taken off his shoes and his mismatched socks. He was taking off his tie when I tuned in. I should have turned off the camera, but I couldn't stop watching. He pulled off his sweater vest and then unbuttoned his white dress shirt. His chest was smooth and thin. He didn't have six pack abs like some of the men I've seen on television and in the movies, but I like his lanky body. He took off his cords and then slipped off the white cotton boxers he wore. I haven't blushed in five years, but I could feel my face getting hot. It was time to turn off the monitor and take an ice cold shower.

I went to my room and changed for a shower. I decided that from now on there would be no more peeping like an over hormonal teenager. I would watch the bedroom only when my target was fully clothed. Yeah… that would work! Right….

I repeated this mantra to myself till I finished my shower and got dressed for bed. I stood for a long time looking in the mirror and wondering if what he said was right. I decided that he was just being nice. I was ordinary with shoulder length dark blond, or what I like to call dishwater ugly blond hair. That hair was still up in the clip I'd put in it to take a shower. There were tendrils of hair that were wet and sticking to my neck. My makeup was washed away, and my face was pale with big green eyes. Guys didn't like green eyes, did they? They liked blue eyes, right? I bet Spencer likes blue eyes. I wish I could be confident and talk to someone like Spencer when it didn't involve playing a part for work.

It occurred to me that I should be concerned at this longing for approval from my target, but I was too tired to worry about it. It would still be there in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/n hello everyone. Here is the next chapter for you. Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewer. You make me smile!**_

_**Disclaimer: See first chapter**_

I slept very little last night. The insomnia is getting worse and worse. I found myself at the monitors watching Reid sleep at three in the morning. Night vision cameras set the scene in black and bright green. It made him seem as if he weren't real. It was strange, and alien, and wonderful. He slept and I stayed wide awake with one hand touching the screen just over where his face should be. Why do I feel such an urge to protect him? It was a very dangerous urge. I had to get my emotions under control and remember that from now on, whether I like it or not, he belongs to the Director, just as I do. If I ever forget that then I am dead, and so is Dr. Reid.

I didn't even realize that I had gone to sleep. The old nightmare came back. She was hitting me again and telling me that I was a little bitch. She told me that it was my fault that my father had left her alone. She hit me so hard across the face that I passed out. I must have been about five years old. It's the first clear memory that I have.

"_You little bitch? It's your fault. Your father left because of you. He never wanted to be a father. You just can't behave can you?"_

_The hand came down across tender flesh, leaving a red welt that stood out against the white skin. _

"_Mommy… Please don't hurt me!"_

"_Shut up you little whore! I hate you!" The large, rough hand came down again, and again. The pain was everything, it was her entire world. Her face was burning. There was nothing that would make the pain go away. _

"_I should have gotten rid of you the moment they told me I was pregnant." The rough hands grabbed her under the shoulders and hauled her up. _

"_No… Mama… Please don't make me go there!"_

_The hands hauled her kicking, and screaming down the hallway to the closet. The walls were an ugly purple wall paper with green leaves. They looked like they could come to life and strangle her. "No… Mama… NO…."_

"_Shut you're mouth or you'll stay here forever."_

_The hands pushed her into the closet. She hit the floor, and crashed one shoulder hard into the wall. The hands pulled her around and the woman slapped her again. Her face hurt so badly and she felt so dizzy and sick. _

"_Let's see if sitting here in the dark alone will make you behave bitch," Her mother stepped back and slammed the door, leaving her in the dark._

I woke up trying to scream, but I couldn't; only air would leave my lungs. I was bent over the desk in front of the monitors. I could here a keening, mewling sound and tried to make it stop by closing my mouth tightly and my eyes, but it didn't stop. I opened my eyes in the dark and saw on the monitors that Spencer was twisting, and turning and groaning in his sleep. I have seen him dealing with nightmares every night for the past week. I want to go knock on his door and hold him till the nightmares are gone, but I can't do that. Not yet. I have to be strong and patient. I hope that when he is with us at the agency that… No… I can't indulge in those kinds of feelings! I clenched my hands into fists and felt the bite of my nails on the palms of my hands. I have to be strong!

I touched the screen again, and he seems to calm down as if he could feel the touch of my hands. Tomorrow is the day that we will meet and talk. I'm so excited. I hope this will go well. Stanford called me again and he wants an update. He had the audacity to tell me that someone else would be sent in my place if I didn't succeed in my mission…

My heart rate had finally slowed down. It seemed like just watching Spencer and knowing that he was so close was enough to have a calming influence on me. I wanted it to stay that way all the time. I don't want to have any more nightmares. I don't want him to have any more nightmares.

_Damn it Amy! Get your head together and do the job you were sent here to do! _

I went to bed and tried to go back to sleep. All I could do was toss and turn. Every time I closed my eyes I saw _her, _or Dr. Reid.

_--_

My alarm went off an hour later, just as I was dropping off to sleep. I wanted to stay where I was, but I had to be up and ready to meet Dr. Reid at seven thirty. I had to be out of the apartment before him. He couldn't know just yet that we live in the same apartment building.

It took me twenty minutes to go through my small wardrobe and find something to wear. I kept thinking that I should just get dressed and go. I knew from my research that Dr. Reid was un-likely to notice what I was wearing. Still… I wanted to look good for him. If I was going to make him fall in love with me, I had to be smart and act the part.

I decided that since it was morning and it was coffee that jeans and a tee shirt would be okay. I put on my newest pair of dark blue jeans and a pink tee shirt. I tucked it in and slipped on plain white socks and shoes. I was thinking I should put on mismatched socks, but then again that would be too obvious even for Spencer.

I grabbed my denim jacket and messenger bag, taking care to make sure my school books were inside. I left the apartment at seven and headed out to the bus stop. I got to Starbucks fifteen minutes early and got a table. I realized that my hands were shaking, and I had to get out a text book and read to calm down the thumping in my heart.

Reid was on time. I thought that he'd be nervous and late. He came into the café and looked around he saw me sitting there and went pink in the cheeks. I wanted to laugh at his discomfiture, but I couldn't do it.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi Spencer…"

"May I sit down," he asked.

"Yeah…"

He sat down and stared at my messenger bag as though it was going to explode. "Do you want anything to drink?" I asked him, hoping that he would look up at me.

"Oh… ah… yeah… Why don't I go get us something? What do you want?" He stood up so fast it was like he'd sat on a pinecone.

"Hey… I asked you, which means it's my treat," I told him trying and failing not to laugh.

"But don't I -"

"Just sit down and relax Dr. Reid. I'm going to get the coffee." I refused to let him argue with me. He stayed in his chair and I went to the line that was getting pretty long.

I looked back at him while I was waiting and saw his head bent over something on the table in front of him. Most of the other tables were bare as everyone that was in the café, was getting coffee to go. I knew that Reid didn't have to be into work till nine am, and that was plenty of time to get things started.

It took longer than I wanted, but I was finally able to get a couple of large coffees for us and get back to our table. I walked back and was going to say something to Reid, but I noticed that he was bent over a book reading faster than I'd ever seen. I knew of his talents, but I've never seen him sit and read a book.

"Is it good?" I said sitting down.

He jumped and knocked the book off the table. It hit the floor with a loud thud, or it would have been loud if the store hadn't been so crowded with so many voices. Once more I had the urge to laugh, but I held it back. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and he was so cute when embarrassed. I watched him go red in the face and then duck down to pick up the book. He straightened up and looked at me where I had sat down with the cups of coffee.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to startle you. I didn't realize that you were so engrossed in your book." I looked at the cover and saw that he was reading Great Expectations.

"It's okay. I'm not used to having company for coffee." He smiled shyly up at me and I was stunned by the depth of innocence in his eyes. How could he still be innocent after everything he'd seen in his job?

"Ah y-yeah…. I c-can see that," Why was I stuttering.

"Hey… I'm the one that's s-supposed to s-stutter."

I laughed, and then he looked at me with eyes that were as dark and deep as the night sky. Then he laughed and the spell was broken. "Yeah… I guess you are." I admitted after taking a sip of the hot beverage in front of me. "Well I guess the ice is broken." I said. "Can you tell me anything about what you do?"

He explained as much as he could, completely unaware that I already knew the outcomes of every single one of his cases. I pretended to drink my coffee. He drank all of his and was looking longingly at the counter when I slipped a peek at my watch.

"Listen Spencer… I have to go to class."

He turned back to me and he looked really disappointed. I was glad to see that in his eyes. It would make things easier if we hit it off.

"Um…" He was going red in the face again and his hands were playing with his empty coffee cup. "I - ah… I know we didn't get to talk for very long and I have been looking forward to this all week. I wish you could stay."

"I know… I wish I could too, but I have to go." Oh God… I wanted to stay.

"Ok…" His face fell nearly to his shoes. "Can we see each other again?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah… that would be nice." He got out of his chair and we left the café together.

"Spencer… Ride with me to my stop. I'm getting off to change trains before you get to your stop for Quantico."

"Okay…"

He rode with me and when I got to my stop for Georgetown University, he kissed me on the cheek which surprised us both.

"Call me…" I yelled at him after he dashed away.

He nodded and smiled that incredible smile, before disappearing into the crowd, as though he never been there.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/n hey everyone! Thanks to all who continue to follow this story and have reviewed, or added this to your alerts. I appreciate your patience with the first person POV and I promise that there will be answers in the coming chapters about Amy and her background and what she's up to.**_

_**Disclaimer: see the first chapter. **_

Class that day was the most tedious I had dealt with in this assignment. I don't miss the days when I was a legitimate student in college. I don't miss the homework and the constant studying and note taking. I have to concentrate. I have to keep my grades up. I have to be able to stay here with a legitimate reason.

My mind kept going back to Dr. Reid. He was so much better looking in person than in the films I had watched or on the camera in my room. His eyes have a sparkle that you don't see from a distance. His smile is radiant when he allows himself to feel happy. My hand kept going to the cheek he had kissed like I was some kind of lovesick teenager that would refuse to wash that side of my face for the rest of my life.

Why did he kiss me? It wasn't like him to do that. I know… I have seen and read everything there is to read on this man. I know that he is painfully shy. So why did he do that? I go around with this question in my head for the rest of the day. I finally realize that I'm making myself crazy, and I decided not to dwell on it.

I had to decide how to progress with our "relationship." Stanford was going to want an update on this tonight and I didn't know what to say. I can't just knock Spencer over the head and drag him off to the cave as it were. Of course Stanford would say, "Why not," but then he is only a man.

I took the train back to my apartment and got home by three pm. I don't know why I haven't told him that I live right above him. He's going to find out sooner or later. Maybe… I'll pretend to run into him in the laundry or something.

Homework seemed to take forever today. I find myself looking at the monitors every ten minutes wondering when Reid is going to come home. It's getting really late and I can't help but wonder if he had to go out of town on a case. Yeah… that's probably what happened, he had to go out on a case and he won't be back for a couple of days. I tried to go back to my paper on Henry the eighth, but I couldn't seem to concentrate. I know all the material of course, but that wasn't the problem.

I don't like this… I don't like it at all. I never have trouble concentrating on a job or getting it done for the Director. I got up from my computer and started to pace all over the room just like Reid does when he's distressed. This would not do. It would not do at all!

I made myself sit down and finish the essay. It wasn't my best, but it would have to do. I had no time to write it again. I had to plan my next move with Spencer. He'd been kidnapped before so it was my opinion, and the Director had agreed much to the chagrin of Stanford, that forcing Reid into the agency wouldn't work. His will was strong, strong enough to overcome a drug addiction and post traumatic stress disorder. He had to enter the agency of his own free will or the BAU would never stop looking for him.

I went back to the monitors, but he wasn't there. Where was he? What case was he working on now? Was he okay? Of course he is okay, I told myself very sternly. It was time to get some sleep. I had to overcome this insomnia, or my mind would be even more clouded than it already was. I went to bed.

--

The next morning came after long hours of tossing and turning. I got up and made a cup of very strong coffee and went to the monitors. Reid wasn't in his bed and it didn't look like it had been slept in. It was only five thirty in the morning, but he wasn't there. I told myself for the tenth time that he was most likely on a case.

I went to Starbucks and waited to see him there, but he didn't come into the store that morning. I was late for my first class, not that it mattered, I couldn't concentrate on what my economics professor was saying anyway.

After school I went back to the Starbucks to wait for him, but he didn't come in that afternoon either. I went back to my apartment and watched the monitors till I fell asleep in front of them and woke up three hours later with a headache, and screaming pain in my neck from sleeping with my head on my arms.

This went on for a week and I was starting to think that the BAU was on to the Agency's attempts to "recruit," Spencer and they decided to disappear. Then I realized that this was ridiculous. If that were the case then I would have been recalled by Stanford to home base. No call came in except for my nightly check up from the Agency. Stanford said to standby and wait for "the target," to reappear. I waited and two days later Reid came home.

I woke up that morning and went to the monitor. He was there, but he wasn't alone. Some woman with her hair in pig tails was there. She had been sleeping on the couch I could see, so she wasn't a girlfriend, right? She was just a friend. I brought up the photographs and names of the team, and saw that this was Penelope Garcia. She was wearing a hot pink robe and bunny slippers.

I flipped over to Spencer's room. He was still in bed. I watched Ms Garcia enter the room and begin to talk to him. I could see that his face was bruised. Something had happened just like I thought it had. What was it? Was he kidnapped again, like in Georgia, or did something else happen? I decided to turn on the microphones I planted there. I didn't want to listen in, but I had to know what happened and how it would affect my plans for him. I turned on the volume.

"… Don't fight me baby cakes. I'll make breakfast for both of us and by the time we're finished, Morgan will be here to take over for me."

"Garcia… I don't need a full time babysitter. I can get around on my own."

"No you can't… the doctors said that the only way for you to get out of the hospital and come home was for one of us to take care of you. Those bruised ribs and concussion need to heal, so you are going to stay still and let us take care of you."

I could see that Reid was blushing, but I could also tell that he was pleased that she was fussing over him. Has anyone ever fussed over him before, or is this new to him. It looked like it was. It made me sad and I had to remind myself that I don't care. He's just another assignment for me.

"So… what do you want to eat?" Garcia was saying to him.

"Coffee," He said.

"No… you're going to have something more than your favorite addiction. Now… what will it be?'

He wanted to argue with her I could see, but he didn't. I had only acquainted myself with her in the last five minutes and I could tell that you didn't mess with her. She was like a mama wolf with her cubs.

She talked him into eggs and pancakes, and I watched him eat them from a tray that she brought to his room while she ate from a tray while sitting in the easy chair across from his bed.

I forgot about school that day. It didn't matter. Penelope Garcia left an hour later when Derek Morgan knocked on the door. I listened to them flirt for ten minutes before she left. Morgan stayed for six hours and then a young blond woman replaced him. Her name was JJ and I saw from my research that she was the media specialist for the team, and the one that had gone to the Henkel farm with Reid. She stayed till late and I fell asleep listening to them talk.

Reid was hurt on the case when they were apprehending the suspect. They talked about how the man had struggled with Hotch and the gun he'd been carrying. Unfortunately, Reid had been knocked into the wall and then down a flight of stairs. He was lucky that there were no broken bones. They got the suspect into custody and Reid had stayed in the hospital for two days because of his injuries.

Three days later, he was ready to go back to work. I was just getting out of the shower, when my phone rang. I didn't look at the caller ID and was surprised to hear Spencer on the other end.

"Hello…"

"Ah… hi Amy… I'm sorry I haven't called you. I hope you aren't mad, but I was on a case and…"

"It's okay Spencer… I know what you do for a living. I don't mind. I was a little concerned if you were okay.

"Oh… yeah… well I did get a little hurt, but it's nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure you're okay," I asked.

"Yes… but I wanted to see you again. Do you think we could get together this afternoon after work? I'm on desk duty till Hotch says I'm okay to go back to the field."

"Who's Hotch," I asked?

"Oh… he's my boss at the BAU."

"Oh… well sure I'd like to get together again. Where do you want to meet?"

"Do you know the outdoor market in Arlington?"

"Yeah… I can find it."

"Okay… I'll see you there."


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/n hello all. Thank you all so much for your continued support of this story. I appreciate all your reviews.**_

_**Disclaimer: see the first chapter**_

It was Friday afternoon. I didn't have class that day, and I spent the day at the salon getting my hair cut and my nails done. Normally, I couldn't care less about my nails. The look of disgust I got from the little Vietnamese woman that did my manicure actually made me feel bad. She lectured me in broken English about taking better care of my cuticles. I was unsuccessful in tuning her out, so I smile, and nodded and tried to look appropriately chastised.

I went to the mall in Arlington and bought a new pair of jeans. They were dark blue, with a pattern of purple and gold flowers embroidered on the pant leg below the knee of the left leg. The sales girl talked me into buying a dark brown leather belt with a gold belt buckle shaped like a rose. I bought a mariner shirt with long sleeves. It was striped red and white and had hidden buttons. It would look great with my denim jacket.

I bought a new pair of converse shoes in navy blue, and added it to the clothes I bought before heading over to the make up counter. I never wore make up on the job. It was too much of a hassle to put it on in the mornings, and there were times when I just wasn't in a situation where I could primp. It occurred to me that I was doing too much primping for this assignment, and that voice in my head warned me that I was getting too close to Dr. Reid.

I ignored the voice and headed out of the mall, and back to the car the agency had provided for me to use. It was better than taking the train, which I only did to keep an eye on Spencer. It didn't matter though. I had a tracker on that ancient Volvo of his. If he takes off in the car for some reason, I'll know and be able to follow.

I got back to the apartment three hours before it was time to meet Spencer and panicked. There was no way I was going to be ready by the time I had to leave. I hurried into the sparse room at the back of the apartment and began to tug off my jeans and the tee shirt I wore. I threw the clothes onto my bed, which was made up with cotton sheets and a blanket. The room was a lot different from my apartment. It actually looks lived in. I very briefly wondered what Dr. Reid would make of this room if he could see it.

That was another train of thought to resist. He wasn't going to see this apartment. If I decide that the time if right, it will be at his place. It's the only place he would feel safe. I have to take advantage of the feeling of safety and do what I have to do.

I got into the shower and washed my hair. Getting out of the shower and drying off the easiest part of the whole process of getting ready for this date. I hadn't worn make up in so long, I had forgotten how to apply it… almost.

It took three hours, but I was ready and it was time to go get on the train and ride to the market. I had to leave early again. I couldn't risk him seeing me there till I was ready to tell him that I was living right over his apartment.

--

"_Agent Stanford… I trust Agent Ryan. She will do her job." _The voice on the other end of the line said. His tone was warning the other agent that he better back off.

"Sir… I mean no disrespect, but I think that you're judgment is clouded. I know that because Agent Ryan is your -"

"_I would think long and hard before you finish that thought out loud Stanford!" _The voice cracked through the phone like the bite of a rattlesnake.

"Sir… I don't mean to say that -"

"_Agent Stanford… I don't want to hear any of your excuses or whining. Now back off of Agent Ryan and do your job. I want you to contact me the minute we have Dr. Reid inside the agency._

"Yes sir," Stanford slammed down the phone!

He looked up at the tall dark haired man standing in front of him. "The old man is losing his edge. I want you to go to DC and watch our lovely Agent Ryan. If she isn't doing everything she was ordered to do, I want her eliminated and then I want you to grab the young doctor."

"Yes sir…" The man looked over Stanford's shoulder and out of the window of his office. He stood at parade rest. He was a former Marine and the best assassin the agency had. He would do the job if Agent Ryan couldn't do it.

"Good… now get out of my sight and do your job."

The man left the room and Agent Stanford grinned at his retreating back. He was sure that Agent Ryan was slipping. She was falling for the good doctor, he was sure of it. That was okay. He finally had a reason to get rid of her and the Director couldn't interfere with his plans, this time!

He turned back to his desk and turned on his computer. He was going to make sure that he was next in line to take over for the Director. It was his right, something that he'd been preparing for all of his life. Dr. Reid was going to help him get what he wanted.

--

I got off the train one stop ahead of where I needed to be. I wanted to walk off some nervous energy. I had to get control of myself, and remember that the agency would kill me and Dr. Reid if I didn't convince him to come willingly into the fold. He had talents that the Agency was finding very useful from his time at the BAU. I only hoped that he would forgive me for lying to him. We could be a family. He could understand me like no one else. I know what it's like to suffer. I know what he must have gone through as a child.

I walked down the sidewalk and passed by people that I really didn't see. It was chilly. I pulled the denim coat closer and thought that maybe this wasn't a good idea, but it was too late. It had been much too late from the time I agreed to become an agent for the agency.

The walk eventually cleared my head and I entered the market at the same time Reid did. In fact I saw him walking towards me and how his eyes lit up when he saw me. The stab of guilt that I felt at this sight made my heart beat so fast I thought that I would faint.

He was at my side before I could say anything. He put a hesitant hand on my arm, and little tingles shot up to my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He said kindly, his dark eyes probing mine.

I tried to smile but I felt like I was going to cry instead. "Yeah…" I took a deep breath and the spicy scent of his aftershave washed over me like a soft breeze. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I shivered. Oh God… how was I going to betray this kind and gentle man in front of me? I should just confess right now and maybe between the two of us we can find a way to get out of this predicament together.

"Amy… Are you okay?" He asked me again. I smelled the minty scent of his breath and tears started.

"Yeah… I'm fine. I'm just a little tired and cold."

"You've been having nightmares, haven't you?"

This startled me so much that I almost blurted out everything. Then I realized that it was the profiler talking not the man.

"How did…" I started to say and then stopped.

"Come on… let's get something to eat and you can tell me. It will help, I promise." He pulled on my arm and I let him lead me into the mall.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/n hey there all. Here is the next chapter. I hope you'll tell me what you think. Thanks to all who continue to review and follow the story.**_

_**Disclaimer: see the first chapter. **_

"Come on… let's get something to eat and you can tell me. It will help, I promise." He pulled on my arm and I let him lead me into the mall.

The shops were a blur to me as we walked down the large hallways to the food court. There were many people in the halls, but all of the noise was dull as though I was hearing it through cotton batting over my ears. I couldn't pull it together for some reason and insanely I wondered what Stanford would say if he could see me now.

The food court was a blur as well. Reid made me sit at a table that was set up next to a large planter with greenery that kind of looked like ferns, but I wasn't sure. He pushed me down in the chair next to the table.

"I'm going to go get something to eat for us. What do you want?" He asked me.

"I'm not hungry…"

"You better pick something, or I'll pick it for you." Reid insisted.

"Fine… just a sandwich, or something." I requested.

He left me there to stare at the fake marble tile on the floor. I think it was supposed to be white but all the scuff marks and other damage made it an ugly cream color instead. I begin to shiver. The tile is familiar somehow, but I can't think. Perhaps I don't want to know or remember!

I decided to look at the table instead. It's an ugly brown plastic and the chairs are metal and uncomfortable.

_I told you to stop your whining and crying you little bitch. There's no food because of you. Go to bed this instant or…_

"Hey Amy…" I look up to find Dr. Reid standing there with a tray in his hands. "You look sick…" He blurted out and then blushed.

"Sorry if I don't meet with your approval." I snarled at him, and then felt like a total bitch at the expression of misery that came over his face.

"I'm so sorry Spencer. It's been a hell of a day." I tried my best to smile.

He put the red plastic tray on the table and sat down across from me. He didn't smile back at me and his eyes remained clouded with unhappiness. "I didn't mean to just blurt that out. I have a really bad habit of saying whatever comes to mind when I'm nervous." He said.

He's nervous! I make him nervous. Is that a good or a bad thing? God… I never should have been picked for this assignment. I have very little experience with men and…

_(Stop it…. I'll be good… I won't ever tell anyone! Please don't… I don't like that… Please…) _

"Amy…"

His kind voice pulled me back to the present again. He was staring at me like something had just slipped into place in his head. "Amy… Please tell me what's wrong. You promised to tell me about your nightmares, remember?"

I nodded and smelled the food for the first time. He must have seen me staring at the tray because he began to chuckle.

"I got some soup from "Soup of the Day," for you. They have really good chicken noodle and I thought -"

"That it would be just what the doctor ordered, Dr. Reid." I raised my eyebrows and he went pink in the cheeks. God… he was so cute!

"Yeah… don't you like chicken noodle soup."

"Come on… who doesn't like chicken noodle soup. It's yummy!" I declared trying to force some brightness into my voice.

He looked much happier and I decided that no matter what it took, I wasn't going to let anything keep me from doing my duty. It would be better for him. He would be safer at the agency. The Director promised me that he would be protected.

"Amy…"

"Hm…"

"You faded away again. Are you sure that you're okay."

I picked up the black plastic spoon that was enclosed in more plastic and concentrated on freeing the utensil from its packaging. "I'm just tired."

"Will you tell me about the dreams?" Reid persisted.

I heard the sigh leaving me before I could stop it. "I'll tell you, if you tell me how you knew that I was having nightmares."

He was cutting into the soft shell taco he'd ordered for himself. The inside of the Mexican food looked good. I think it was a beef taco with black beans, onions and cheese.

"I know because you have the same look on your face that I see in the mirror sometimes late at night." He said simply. "Your hands are shaking and there are dark circles under your eyes. You show all the signs of someone that's not sleeping well. You're too young and healthy to have serious back problems, so I assume it isn't pain that's keeping you up."

"Do you always do that," I asked after spooning up some of the soup, which was delicious by the way.

"Do what," He asked, dipping a forkful of taco into some sour cream.

"Answer a question with a lecture." I answered.

"Oh… yeah… It's a hazard you have to be aware of it we're going to date." He said very fast.

"Are we dating, Agent Reid?" He went red and ducked his head. He was suddenly very interested in his lunch. I tried not to laugh.

"Yeah… is that ok… I mean I really like you… Um… do you like me?"

His sudden shyness was very endearing. It made me smile and feel even worse at the same time. "Yeah… I'd like that a lot. I think your very cute Dr. Reid."

He reached for his soda and knocked my bag off the table. Luckily it was closed, but he started spluttering about how sorry he was and other people around us were staring. I said to the guy closest to us that was smirking at Spencer "What are you looking at?"

He narrowed his eyes at me and went back to his meal. "I'm really sorry…" Reid was saying looking purple in the face.

"No harm… no foul…" I told him. "You didn't break anything. It's not the end of the world."

His hands were fluttering nervously around the collar of the blue grey dress shirt he was wearing and tugging on it. He started eating again and wouldn't look at me for the longest time. I decided not to say anything and after the first few minutes, the silence wasn't awkward anymore.

"I didn't forget that you didn't answer my question," He said after finishing half of his taco.

My soup was half gone and I choked on the spoonful I had just taken. "What question is that?"

"You know what I mean." He insisted.

"You have guacamole on your chin." I informed him.

He wiped at it impatiently. "I thought we were going to be friends." He said sounding very sad again.

"We are… I'm bad at talking to guys." I said and he looked like I'd just told him that the world was flat.

"Oh right… that's why you approached me in a train station and asked me out."

"You have a trustworthy face."

He snorted out a laugh and I started to giggle when he choked on the taco. "I'm serious… You're this beautiful girl and you want to go out with me. Why is that," He demanded?

"I told you… I saw your face and decided that I could trust you. Do you know how hard it is to find a good man anywhere?" I asked him pointing my spoon at his face.

"No… I never looked for one." He quipped and I almost choked again on my soup.

"Dr Reid… Did you make a joke?"

He looked very surprised at this question "Garcia says I don't know how to make jokes." He said frowning down at the last bite of his taco.

"Who is Garcia," I asked as innocently as I could.

"She's our computer tech. She's my best friend."

In spite of what I knew about the team, my heart sank a little at what he said. "Oh… is she your girlfriend?"

He began to laugh. "No… She's got a thing for another computer tech. They go on for hours at a time about programming and hacking. It gives me a headache."

"Oh… well good, I don't want to share you." I declared and found my face was getting very hot.

"Did I make you blush…?"

"No… it's the soup. It's very hot."

"Alright… now… tell me about your dreams."

Now he was the one that had avoided talking about his dreams, but I decided I didn't need to know. "Okay…" I took a deep breath and told him everything I could remember about the nightmares that had resurfaced since I had arrived in DC.

He didn't interrupt me, but listened intently. He didn't judge me for anything that I said. It was the first time I had told anyone anything about what had happened to me as a kid. I don't even know why I did it. It was more than I ever thought I would have to reveal about myself to get what I wanted.

"I think we should go for a walk and I can tell you about something that happened to me not too long ago."

I realized my soup was gone. He gathered up the debris from the meal and took the tray to the trash cans that were placed around the food court. He came back and I stood to meet him. I reached out for his hand and after a tiny hesitation he took mine and we left the mall together.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/n hello all. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. They all make me smile and laugh. **_

_**Disclaimer: see first chapter. **_

"What have you found out," Stanford demanded.

"I got into town at oh seven hundred hours this morning. I staked out her apartment and followed her to a Mall in Arlington. She was meeting the target. She didn't look very well at all and -"

"I don't want to hear an editorial comment on Agent Ryan's health." Stanford interrupted angrily.

"I'm sorry sir. Agent Ryan met the subject and they entered the mall. I followed them to the food court and observed them there for approximately forty seven minutes. They left the mall and walked to a park several blocks east of here. I followed them and am still observing them."

"Well… that's just great! I'm glad you can do your job! Now… why don't you tell me what you're observing? Is Agent Ryan doing her job?"

"Yes… Agent Ryan's plan appears to be working."

"You better be sure about that."

"I know what I have to do. If I see anything that makes me believe that Agent Ryan has lost her ability to do her job, she will be eliminated and I'll bring Dr. Reid in myself."

"Good…" Stanford cut off the call and leaned back in his office chair. Then he picked up the phone again and made another call.

"This is Stanford. My operative is in place. He is observing Agent Ryan. She may be compromised by her own emotions and past. Yes… I have the situation under control… No… I don't need you to step into the situation…. We had a bargain and I'm not going to let you …. Don't you threaten me…? You forget yourself…. I'm doing you a favor. When Dr. Reid disappears without a trace, don't you think that heads are going to roll? Good… don't you forget what you're going to get out of all of this? Yes… I knew you'd see it my way…"

He slammed down the phone and stood to rage up and down his office. He was surrounded by paranoid fools. Time was getting short and if Agent Ryan failed things could get very ugly!

CMCMCMCM

Spencer decided that we should walk to the park four blocks to the east of the mall. The weather was cooperating, so it was fairly warm. I was shivering under my jacket, though. What if I had revealed too much to him? What if I scared him off? I had to put it right if I had. There was too much at stake.

He found a bench for us to sit on at the bottom of a low hill. The bench was painted dark green and the sun was out shining on the grass which was still yellow from the winter. There were workman busy getting the park ready for spring. There were some children playing on a teeter-totter and a few others were using the slide and the swings.

_(Get down off that slide! It'd be just my luck that you'd fall and break an arm. I'm not going to take care of a dirty little bitch that can't…)_

The surface of the bench was hot, and it made the voice in my head and the shakes fade away for the time being. Reid sat next to me and didn't seem to notice that memory had invaded once again. He glanced over at me and I noticed that the sun was making his hair into the golden halo around his head. The wind was blowing it around his face, and for just one minute he resembled an impish little elf that had a growth spurt. Then he shifted toward me and the spell was broken.

"I haven't told anyone outside my team, a good doctor, and my mother this story." There was something in his eyes that sent chills down my spine.

I knew that I was going to hear a first hand account of what happened to him in Georgia with Tobias Henkel. Suddenly, I didn't want to be there. I wanted to get up and walk away. There was a hidden bank account in the Cayman Islands under my mother's name. If I left now, I could be out of the country before Stanford got wind of what I had done. I could change my name and be happy for once in my life.

"It's okay Spencer… You can tell me." The warmth of his hand in mine held me still.

The way had already been written for me. If I tried to run now, my life would be over. There was no use in thinking that I could escape, just as Reid couldn't escape now that the agency had its eye on him.

He told me everything beginning with his father leaving him at the age of ten, his mother's descent into full blown schizophrenia, getting hired on at the FBI. He told me about Tobias and I realized from his version of events that the official record was sadly lacking in details.

"I was so terrified, more frightened than I'd ever been in my life. It made what I had experienced with my mother look like a walk in the park on a summer's day. You can't imagine what it's like to sit in your own urine and filth for days. He beat me and starved me. He broke three bones in one of my feet. He gave me drugs to make me hallucinate. I kept flashing back to when I was a kid. I had to relive the pain of my father leaving. It was like having my heart ripped out of my chest all over again. I had to see the face of my mother again when I turned eighteen and had her committed to Bennington Sanitarium. She hated me on that day and all I could hear was how she railed me for betraying her. It was worse than the day dad left, because there was always the possibility that he could come back. When they took her away, I knew that it was for good."

Little tears began to track down his face and my throat began to hurt from the effort that it took to hold back my own emotions. His face was as pale as death. I wanted to say that it was okay, that he didn't have to finish the story, but something told me to listen and let him finish. So I let him finish the tale of how he was rescued by his team and how he had lost the battle with his drug addiction till the day Hotch had come to him and forced him into rehab.

"He saved my life that day. If it wasn't for him I'd still be wallowing in self doubt and pity. It's possible I might even be dead! Now I have a new chance at life. I know you probably don't want to have anything else to do with me, but I just wanted you to know that everyone has nightmares and challenges. I really want to see where this will go if you want to."

He looked like the word no would shatter him into a million pieces. Of course he couldn't know that I was locked into this till the bitter end. "I'm not going to run away just because you didn't grow up with two parents, a white picket fence and the other 1.4 kid brothers or sister." I tried to say it in the most lighthearted manner, but my voice began to crack with the effort of holding back my emotions.

"Good… I really want to know you better Amy Lange." He squeezed my hand and before I could stop myself I had leaned over and kissed him.

His lips tasted like sour cream and I started to laugh. He pulled back and stared in surprise until he must have realized that I wasn't laughing at him. He grinned and began to laugh too. Several of the kids playing in the park looked at us and whispered behind their hands. I kissed him again and something broke between us. The barriers that I had tried so hard to maintain came crashing down. It didn't matter anymore what happened to me. Nothing else and no one else made my heart race and my soul to soar the way that he did. I was done. There had been no chance from the beginning. Now what was I going to do?

--

I'm standing in my living room with a kimono robe that my only friend Stacey had bought for me. She's not an agent, and I managed to convince her that I'm a corporate head hunter, which is why I'm gone all the time. I don't think in the deepest part of my heart that she really believes me, but at least she is smart enough not to ask.

The robe is white silk, with pink, gold and blue embroidered birds in flight all over it. The sleeves are long and very wide. It's extremely comfortable and it makes me feel like a princess. My slippers are white terry cloth and I put my hair up in a gold butterfly clip. I made myself some peppermint tea and treated myself to a couple of chocolate chip cookies I bought at the café down the street.

I decide to remind myself of what I'm there for by sitting down at my computer and turning on the cameras in Reid's apartment. Reid is sitting on the couch in his living room and reading. It was amazing to watch him speed through one book after another. I was exhausted by the time he finished his sixth book and threw it on the couch next to him.

The damn bird began to chirp in the background. Reid got up and went to feed it and then cover the cage. The bird went silent and Reid went back to his bedroom. I watched him, just like always, remove his clothing and head into the bathroom for a shower.

My phone rang and it was Stanford wanting to know how it was going. I told him everything about the outing that day because he would know if I was lying if I held anything back. He seemed pleased to know that my relationship with Reid was progressing. He was impatient though, he wanted results. He didn't want to hear about how I had it under control. He did his usual song and dance about threats and the like, but I quit listening to him. I finally got him off the phone and went back to watching Reid until my eyes wouldn't stay open anymore. Reid was asleep. I should have been feeling better about my chances of pulling this off, but I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong that I was missing!


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/n hey all. Here's the next chapter. I want to thank all my reviewer and all the people that have supported this story. Also a big thanks to my beta REIDFANATIC for suffering through three rewrites of this chapter. _**

_**Disclaimer:See the first chapter** _

The last three weeks have passed by so quickly. Sometimes when we're sitting in a restaurant waiting for dinner, or we're in a theater chatting about stupid things before the movie starts, I think we're an actual couple. I start to believe that we just met by accident and we're on our way to falling in love. Then I go back to my apartment and see the computer and the cameras I put into his home. I think to myself that if I really cared, I wouldn't be getting ready to betray him.

He's gone again. They had to go to Ohio on a case. I really miss him. I go to my monitor and look at his apartment. I sit there for hours looking at the rooms that seem so empty and cold without the warmth of his presence.

I suddenly realize that my life is over. It doesn't matter what happens to me now. If I go to Spencer and tell him everything, the agency will kill me for failing them. If I don't tell him and I betray him to the agency, he will hate me and my life is over anyway. My phone rings and little chills of happiness burst through my stomach.

"Hey handsome," I try to say brightly, but I'm sure he can hear the distress in my voice.

"_Amy… what's wrong?" _

He sounds so tired and stressed. I should have ignored the phone. I should have tried harder to control the unhappiness in my voice. I should have done something… anything at all.

"I'm fine baby… Is everything okay there? You sound really tired!"

"_Please don't shut me out. I thought we promised each other not to keep secrets."_

Tears were tracking their way down my face and I had to reach for the tissue on the desk next to my elbow. "I… I'm not k-keeping any secrets. You and I have spent the last three weeks t-talking about our lives and the way we grew up. You know more about me than anyone else on this planet!"

I knew that there was anger creeping into my voice but I couldn't keep it out. I was angry at myself for failing to maintain objectivity as I have with all of my other assignments.

"_I know Amy_… _I just hear so much stress in your voice and I wonder_ -"

"Why do you have to profile me? Can't you just turn it off for once in your life?"

"_I'm not profiling you_."

"Yes you are Spencer. Why can't you just call me up like any other guy calls their girlfriend and tell me about your day. I know you can't say a lot because of national security, but I'd like to know if you're day was a good one or a bad one."

"_Don't make excuses Amy. I know there's something bothering you. It's been bothering you since the day we met. Yeah…you and I have talked about our lives and shared more than we ever have with anyone else, but there is another barrier you won't let me break through. Why won't you let me?_"

"There's nothing else to tell you Spencer. You think that I'm harboring some big, bad secret and I'm not. I think you're a paranoid FBI agent with a need to control everyone around you."

He was silent for so long, I thought that maybe he had hung up. Then he began to speak in a tone that sent more shivers up my spine, but not in a good way.

"_I called to find out how you were and say goodnight. I think that it would be a good idea if we spend some time apart after I get back_."

"Spencer… Please don't say that. I just -"

"_You're holding back on me Amy. I've tried for weeks to give you space and not demand answers, but I need to know that you trust me_."

"So that's how it's going to be. You're going to just throw aside the last weeks because you don't know everything there is to know about me. Can't a person have any privacy with you Spencer? God… I'm beginning to understand why you've never had a long lasting relationship."

I heard the sharp intake of his breath over the phone and was instantly sorry that I had said the words, but it was too late to take them back.

"_I have to go Amy… Hotch is calling the team together. I think there might be a break in our case_." His voice was colder than I had ever heard it. "Spencer… Wait… Please don't -"

I was talking to dead air. Well… Stanford was going to be calling at any moment and I was going to have to explain that this assignment has just taken a left turn into possible failure. I would lie and tell him that everything was okay. Then I'll fix things with Spencer. It would be okay.

--

I thought long and hard about confessing to Spencer and getting him to use the resources of the Bureau to save both of us. The problem was that he hadn't called me in three days. I called him once a day and left messages when he didn't call back. There had to be a way to fix what I had messed up.

When Spencer finally came home from this case, it was close to midnight. I was trying to write a paper for my English class and failing miserably when my monitor beeped. The motions sensor on the tiny hidden cameras had registered movement. I watched Spencer enter the apartment and leave his bag on the floor next to the couch. He moved like he was exhausted. His face was as intense and upset as I had ever seen it. He went to his bedroom after looking in on his bird and sat down on the bed. I saw him put his face in his hands and sit there for a very long time, before stripping off his clothes and getting into bed.

I wanted to call him and find out why he was so sad, but I knew he wouldn't answer the phone if my number was on the caller id. I wanted to apologize so badly. I just didn't know how to do it. He shut out the lights and I watched the infrared cameras capture how he tossed and turned. I felt an overwhelming desire to smash the screen, not because of anger at him but because of my own stupidity. I shut off the monitor, finished my paper and went to bed.

The next morning I put on my "uniform," of jeans and tee shirt. I was going to go to Starbucks and wait as long as it took to see Spencer. I wasn't going to leave until we fixed things. If I had to tell him everything, I would and work it out somehow.

--

I got into Starbucks at seven am and ordered my usual. The red headed guy behind the counter informed me that Spencer wasn't there and hadn't been in for several days. I thanked him as politely as I could, while wishing I could slam his head into the counter top. Did the man think I was stupid or something? Okay… I had to sit down and take some calming breaths. It didn't help at all.

Several men tried to sit with me, but I let them know in no uncertain terms that I wanted to be left alone. I heard the last one call me a bitch and I almost followed him out the door. I was in the mood for a confrontation. I remembered just in time that I was there to fix things with Spencer, not antagonize the locals.

I tried to read as I was drinking my coffee, but I couldn't concentrate on "The Taming of the Shrew." Oddly enough, Shakespeare's misogynistic tale failed to make me laugh as it always had when I re-read it. The patrons of the café came and went and soon there was only myself and one other customer in the room. It was coming up on nine o clock. Maybe he had something urgent at the office and he wouldn't show up that morning. My fingers were tapping the table before I could stop them and I think my watch had stopped! It was moving very slowly.

The door opened and I looked up to see Spencer standing there dressed in different shades of brown from head to foot. The corduroy was the best thing I laid eyes on all morning. He had stopped and was staring at me. His eyes were completely unreadable, and he turned his back on me to order coffee after another minute of searching into my soul.

My hands were getting all sweaty and my heart was beating very slowly. I was beginning to feel very lightheaded and sick to my stomach. What if he ignored me? What if he came over and sat down next to me? What if he left the store? I waited in an anticipation so high I thought I might pass out again.

He brought his cup of coffee to a table that was across the room from where I sat. He didn't look at me. The file he took out of his bag was thick and well handled. I watched him for a long time, trying not to cry. He made a good show of ignoring me, but I saw after a few minutes that he wasn't concentrating on the file. I decided to go sit down with him and hope that he didn't get up and leave.

"Hey Spencer…" I said.

He looked up at me, and his eyes accused, convicted and executed me with a look. "What do you want?" He said

"I… I wanted to apologize for the other day."

"Really… I don't think I can believe you. Do you think I should?" He asked, while I stood over him.

"May I sit down… Please…"

"I'm not stopping you. This is a public place, after all." He went back to his file. I sat down and waited him out.

He finally sighed and shut the file. "I just got back from a very difficult case. I'm late getting into work because you're here and I didn't sleep last night. I'm sitting here talking to you and wasting time I need to spend on this case."

"You're not working. You're pretending to work, but you're not succeeding."

His eyes went dark with anger and the way they bored into me scared me to death, but I made myself look him in the eye.

"Would you please leave!"

"No… I told you that I'm sorry for the other day. You were right! I was holding back from you. I want to tell you everything. I don't want to do it here."

Spencer laughed bitterly. "Why should I believe you?"

"You're the profiler… Why don't you profile me now? You're the expert in body language. Tell me what you see.

He looked me over so thoroughly I was beginning to blush. "Okay… I believe you. I accept your apology. I want to know the truth Amy."

"I know Spencer… I'm sorry that I haven't been honest with you. It's just that… Look I don't want to talk about this here. Can we go somewhere else?"

"I can't… I have a briefing in half an hour. If I don't get the next train…"

"Please baby… I don't want to wait till tonight. What if you get called out of town again?"

I watched him consider this possibility while I tried hard not to burst into tears. I didn't want to be a weepy female in front of him.

"Spencer I promise this won't take long."

"Alright… I admit that I don't want to get interrupted with work. I want to hear everything you have to say."

He stowed away the file he was working on and got up from the table. "Let's go back to my apartment." He took my hand and warmed it with his touch.

--

We got back to his apartment and I told him everything about the agency and their plans after turning on the radio to block Crawford's microphones if he were listening. Reid called in sick to the office when I finished telling him about what I had been sent to do.

"I'm sorry baby… I didn't intend for any of this to happen."

Tears were starting to fall again. He was looking at me in a way that I didn't recognize. It was over and I had messed things up.

"Spencer… I want to do whatever it takes to fix this. I'm falling in love with you, truly. Please believe me!"

He stood and pulled me to my feet. "I believe you Amy…"

"You're not mad at me!" I couldn't believe it.

"Of course I'm not happy with you," He told me. "But I pushed you so hard and you were honest. I think we can fix this." He smiled at me and my heart sang.

"Are you sure," I wanted to believe it so much my heart hurt.

"Yeah…" He kissed me and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. "No… stay here. I'm going to make some peppermint tea for us and we'll figure it out. Would you like that?"

I nodded and watched him go into the kitchen. I went back to the couch and sat down. My hands were trembling. He was taking this too well was the first thing I thought, but then I decided that I was being paranoid. We'd have some tea and we'd figure out what to do. I trust him, nothing would ever change that. It was going to work out. It had to work out!


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/n hey all, thanks so much for all your kind reviews. They make me smile and sometimes laugh, which is great._**

**_Disclaimer: see the first chapter_**

When my eyes opened, my head felt fuzzy and I couldn't focus on anything. My mouth felt really dry and I tried to turn over, but my limbs felt leaden. There was something very wrong because I couldn't remember what had happened after Spencer gave me the tea the night before or whenever it had been. Had days gone by, or was it one night?

"Spencer…" I tried to say but my tongue was too thick.

"He's not here Agent Ryan." A man's voice said. It was an angry man's voice and one that I didn't recognize.

Someone walked around the bed I was lying face down on and crouched in front of my face. He was black and great looking with intense dark eyes that dared me to lie to him. I recognized him from my surveillance tapes. It was Agent Derek Morgan. He didn't look happy at all.

"Where is Spencer," I repeated. My tongue felt as though it weighed twice what it should.

The dark eyes of the man in front of me weren't innocent, nor were they guileless like Spencer. They were cold, and angry, and I shrank back from them.

"He isn't here," Agent Morgan said. "He's with the rest of our team."

Agent Morgan drew back and stood up to walk around the bed. My eyes were getting better and I could see that I wasn't in Spencer's apartment anymore. The window was in a different place. The walls were an ugly beige color and brick in construction. I turned over onto my back and looked at the ceiling that was cream colored and textured like cottage cheese. The bed was a full sized bed with a light brown blanket. I was lying on top of it and from what I could see of myself, I was fully clothed.

"I don't understand… How did I get here? I feel so sick. What happened to me?"

'You were sedated." Morgan said.

"What do you mean…? I was sedated. How did that happen? Where am I?"

"You ask a lot of questions for someone that's in no position to be demanding."

He moved over to the side of the bed and stood staring down at me. He looked very tall and little tremors of fear were beginning to make me shake. I tried to sit up, but I was too dizzy.

"I'm not demanding. I think I have the right to know why I'm in this place, being interrogated by you."

I tried to sound as brave as I could, but his eyes were blazing into me. He must have found me wanting because he turned away and went to the window, where weak sunlight was entering the room and shining on the beige carpet.

"You lost your rights when you tried to set up my friend. The only reason we didn't let them kill you is because you did the right thing and came clean to Reid. I wanted to bring Reid in and let you deal with those people you work for." He said the word "people" as though it left a bad taste in his mouth.

I didn't know what to say. Morgan was right about me and there was no use in denying it. "Why didn't you?"

"Because my man loves you, he wasn't supposed to fall for you, but he did."

He suddenly wheeled around and strode over to me. He reached out and pulled me into a sitting position and shook me like a small kitten. "Did you mean it when you said you were falling for him? I hope for your sake that you weren't lying! "

The tears that I had been trying to hold back began to fall and blurred my vision. A voice said from behind Morgan in an annoyed tone.

"Morgan… that's enough…"

I wiped at my eyes when he released me and turned to confront the man I recognized as Agent Aaron Hotchner.

"Hotch…" Agent Morgan began to say, but Agent Hotchner tipped his head in the direction of the door.

Morgan strode out the room I was in and I heard a door slam from the other room. "I… I'm sorry I don't know who you -" I started to say.

"Don't lie to me and say you don't know me, Agent Ryan."

His eyes were ice cold and they scared me more than Agent Morgan's had. This was no man to toy with. I bowed my head because I couldn't look into his eyes.

"My name is Amy Ryan. I'm an agent -"

"I know who you are and what your assignment is."

He sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on my arm. The touch was gentler than I expected and I started to cry again.

"We have someone on the inside of your organization. We knew the minute Dr. Reid was targeted. He's known all along what you were after."

I was stunned at this revelation. I looked up and saw that the icy anger was gone from Agent Hotchner's eyes and he only looked at me with pity, which was worse somehow.

I was sobbing again when Hotch put an arm around my shoulders. Then I began to feel angrier than I've ever felt in my life. I yanked away from Agent Hotchner and tried to get off the bed. I was dizzy, but I stepped away from him.

"You've known all along and you let me think that I was…"

"I would be very careful in what you say Amy… You bugged my agent's apartment and followed him around for weeks before you made your move. You tried to seduce him and make him fall for you hoping that he would join your organization to make you happy. You had no problem putting him in grave danger. If you hadn't confessed when you did, your people would have killed you both.

Now… we have to figure out what to do. Until we do, you and Agent Reid are going into protective custody. You'll stay here at Quantico until tomorrow and them you both have to be moved. It isn't safe for you to stay here."

"Can I see Spencer? I want to talk to him."

"I'll leave that up to him." Hotch said. He left the room. I decided that instead of moping around, and feeling sorry for myself, I would explore where I was going to be staying for the next day.

I went through the door and found a small living room. The couch was plastic and a hideous red color. It was torn on one side and there was a battered wooden coffee table sitting forlornly in front of it. There was a small picture book on one corner. A matching red plastic easy chair sat across the room.

At one end of the room I could see a small kitchen with chipped Formica counter tops and tiled floor. Everything was in yellow and it was hideous. There was a coffee maker and a microwave. The stove was clean, but scratched and chipped like everything else.

"I guess the budget for witness protection must be pretty bad." I said to myself.

"Just like all Federal funding." A familiar voice said from behind me.

I turned around and saw Spencer standing there. I wanted to run into his arms, but they were crossed over his chest and he looked at me as though I were a stranger.

"Hello Spencer…" I said, feeling my throat getting very tight.

"I don't think we've been properly introduced." He said tightly.

"My name…" I had to swallow back a sob. "My name is Amy Ryan…"

"I know… Garcia told me." He said briefly.

The anger was back and it made my stomach hurt as I looked at him. "Don't get "holier than thou," Spencer Reid. You knew all along what I was up to and you never said anything!"

"We couldn't risk it! You know better than anyone how dangerous they are. What I can't understand is why you're working for them."

"I guess a person has to be perfect to be good enough for you!" I was shouting, but couldn't stop myself. "I'm trying to do what is best for my country and its security. I guess my job isn't as important as you think your job is."

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it. Can't you understand that what these people are doing is wrong? "

"Spencer they only want you to work for them because of all your experience here. They need someone to work on their security plans for the country. They need someone that is smart and can profile terrorists for them."

I noticed that he was looking at me in a very curious way. "What is it?" I demanded, feeling a bit stupid.

"You don't know… Do you?" He asked, and there was wondrous disbelief in his voice.

"Know what…"

Spencer crossed the room and grabbed me up in his arms. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Will you please explain yourself to me?"

"You really think their intentions for me are honorable." He was looking at me like I was the most naïve person on the planet.

"I know that the people I work for are not innocent. I've never hurt anyone in my job. I've always tried to do what I think is best." I countered.

Reid's eyes didn't give up anything. "All I know is that we have to find away to get past all of this."

"I know that… Spencer… Please believe me. I never wanted anything to happen to you." I untangled myself from his arms and took one of his hands in mine. "I fell in love with you, Spencer Reid. I threw away all of the things the agency and my abusive family taught me about being cold and heartless when I saw you for the first time."

"Amy…"

"Please let me finish. You saved me Spencer. It doesn't matter what happens to me now!"

"It does matter…" He said quietly and fiercely. His hands were trembling; He took my face in his hands and kissed me. My knees started to give out, but he held me close in his arms.

"I love you Amy…" He whispered after breaking off that incredible kiss. I don't want to, but I do. I can't change that anymore then I can the course of the sun in the sky. I don't know how to fix this, but we will, somehow."

Time seemed to slow down and speed at the same time. His hands ran over my back and I was shivering. His mouth found a spot on my neck and attached to it. I almost slapped him when he pulled away and began to laugh.

"What is so funny," I demanded.

"You were making a growling noise like a little kitten that's hissing at a mouse. It was funny!"

"Oh really… well… What if I just go in my room and shut the door? What will you do then…?"

"Don't test me…" He whispered and I started shaking again.

He was kissing me again, and his hands were working their way up under my shirt when my brain began to talk sense to me.

"Spencer… Wait…" I pushed him away and went to the couch. "I can't do this!"

"Amy…" Spencer sat next to me the warmth of body so close to mine was more then I could take.

"Please don't…"

"I've never felt this way about anyone. I should be so angry with you…" He'd put an arm around me and was speaking into my ear. His breath was making me gut ache with suppressed desire. "I tried to stay mad, but I couldn't do it. Remember… I'm not innocent in this. I know it wrong, but I don't care!"

"I know that Spencer, but this isn't right. As much as I want this I can't -"

While I was explaining all the reasons why this wasn't a good idea, Spencer was removing most of what I was wearing. The next thing I knew, I was back on the bed with Spencer hovering over me, telling me that it was all going to be okay.

--

When my eyes opened again he was still there, leaning on his elbow looking at me. "Hey…"

"Hey… yourself," I said back with a grin.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know… please don't go away. Don't let them separate us. Come with me to the safe house." I begged him.

He got up and began to dress. "I have to go. I've been here too long and the team needs to figure this out."

He left the little apartment and the reality of what had happened hit home suddenly. How was I going to get out of this one? Was there a way to stay together with Spencer? If God is out there I hope he's listening. I need help with this one.


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/n hey all, thanks for your kind reviews. Here is the next chapter. _**

**_Disclaimer: see the first chapter_**

Hours passed at glacial speed while I paced the small apartment and wished that everything was different. My legs still felt like they were made out of lead and soon I was back on the bed.

Someone had left a suitcase just inside the door of the bedroom and I had found some of my things from my "apartment," in the bag. I fished through it and found pajamas and my bunnies slippers. My arms were aching when I pulled the white tee shirt over my head and then the blue plaid pajama bottoms. My brush was in the bag so I sat down to comb out my hair, but after a few strokes my arms gave out and I lay back on the messy bed.

The ghost of Spencer's scent mingled with the smell of sex made me want to cry again. I prayed that this team of Spencer's would find the way out of this mess for us. I couldn't bear to lose him. My eyes were getting heavy again and I thought maybe a nap might be a great idea.

--

Someone was shaking my shoulder and I tried to punch and hit and kick out, but the person didn't go away. Kind arms wrapped around me and held onto me. A familiar scent washed over me and drowned out the smell of sweat and sour odor from my uncle.

"Amy… its okay honey… Wake up baby…"

"Spencer…."

"I'm here… Hold onto me…"

I was trying to breathe, but my lungs felt like they were on fire. "I… Spencer… I'm okay… It was just a bad dream." He let go of me and sat with an arm around my shoulders till I could breathe again. "I'm sorry… Its bad enough you have to deal with the agency, now you have to see my meltdown.

"It's okay baby… I just want to help you."

"You can't change what happened to me." I got up and yanked off my pajama bottoms.

"I know that… I can't change that fact that you were physically and sexually abused. I only wish you could have trusted me and told me everything."

"Oh yeah… that would have been a fun conversation with someone you just met."

"I told you everything about what happened to me in Georgia and about my mother. You didn't run away."

"That's because I had a job to do. I couldn't run away." I retorted, pulling on my bra and tee shirt.

"Can you be serious for just one minute?"

"I'm always serious."

He grabbed me and hugged me so tight I thought my ribs might break. "Let me go…"

"No… we have a big problem and you're running away. I love you Amy Ryan and I'm not going to just let you get yourself killed."

He let go of me and I finished dressing. It was silent in the room. I was trying to find something, anything to say, but I couldn't bring anything out of my head that wouldn't piss Spencer off.

"Amy… Are you going to ignore me forever?"

"No… you just throw out that you know all there is to know about me and you expect me to just respond and not be a little freaked out.

"No… I'm trying to tell you that I understand. I was given a file on you as soon as we knew you were coming after me. I know all about you, at least what the agency left intact about you. You filled in the rest, except for the part about the abuse. I figured that out on my own. Before you get mad, you should realize that I also lived with a mentally unstable parent and I was abused too. It wasn't sexual, but my mother almost killed me four times before I had her committed. I was also beat up by kids I went to school with."

"Spencer… I'm sorry… I didn't know."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. Physical and emotional pain was a way of life for me for a long time. I'm a great actor. I have to be."

Suddenly I wanted to laugh. I put my jeans on and turned around to face my new lover. "I think you deserve an Academy award baby."

He grinned and we both laughed. "Yeah… I guess I do."

He put his arms around me again, this time the embrace was gentle. "I don't want to act anymore and I don't want you to act either."

I nodded my head against his chest and he pushed me back to look in my eyes. "Come on… the team is waiting. Hotch and Garcia needs to speak to you. There are a few theories I have about this situation with us. I need more facts from you."

"Yes sir, Dr. Reid…." I saluted him and he snorted.

"Come on Ms. Ryan." He held out a hand to me and we left the apartment.

--

When we got to the offices of the BAU, I was shocked to see a blond woman stalk out of an office followed by Hotch, who headed into another office down the hall. She didn't look happy and he was glowering so much that I wanted to hide behind Spencer. He looked over at me and shook his head.

"I'll tell you about it later."

I shrugged and followed him into another office. Hotch greeted us and I was introduced to Penelope Garcia. She looked even more formidable in person. She didn't look happy to see me and I didn't blame her.

"Garcia… this is Agent Amy Ryan."

"I assume you can't produce valid identification." She said flatly. "Hotch… why is she here? Why are we protecting her?"

"Garcia…"

"It's okay Agent Hotchner." I turned my attention to Garcia. "I know you care about Reid. You have every right to be upset with me. I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough. I don't see why -"

"Garcia… We have been over this." Hotch reminded her. "Let's get this over with."

"Fine…" She swung around in her chair and began to tap away on her computer. "So Agent Ryan… What's your real name?"

--

"What do you mean you lost her?" Stanford yelled into the phone.

"Sir… I was watching the bitch and listening. She brought Dr. Reid back to her apartment. They talked and she told him all about her assignment. She tried to block me with a radio, but you know the range and filters on the new system are much better than what we've had in the past. It was nauseating to listen to her beg him to forgive her for her deception."

Stanford's hand curled into a fist at his side and his face grew hot with rage. "She's betrayed us all and must be made to pay."

"Yes… What do I do?" Crawford asked. He had some ideas on the kind of punishment the little bitch should endure, but Stanford wouldn't want to hear it.

"I'll get back to you. I have to think about this and decide what the best course of action is."

"Are you going to call the Director?"

"Don't ask questions Crawford. You will be contacted with further instructions."

Stanford hung up the phone and bit the inside of his mouth to keep from screaming out his frustration. The little bitch had betrayed them all! The Director wasn't going to be happy.

He started to smile. Yes… the Director wasn't going to be happy with that piece of information at all. He was going to be very happy to let the old man know what his favorite had done to betray the work of the agency.

Finally the old man would have to accept that his dear, precious little Amy was beyond his reach forever. He would have to order her death and Stanford would take pleasure in forwarding that order. If only he could go to Virginia and carry it out himself. He would make her pay for her betrayal in ways that would be more painful than she could ever imagine.

--

"My name is Amy Ryan…" I insisted feeling very put out.

"That's the name the Agency gave you. That name has only existed for you since October of 2003." She was intent on her data, but Hotch was eyeing me with distrust. Spencer only watched us with a bemused expression.

"Fine… My first name is Amy. I was born with the surname Miller. My mother was Katherine and my father's name was Anthony. Do you want our birthdates and dates of decease as well?"

Garcia didn't look up at me but I could see the way her eyes narrowed in my direction. This would have amused me if the situation wasn't so serious. She said tightly, "Yes…"

I gave her all the information about my parents that I could remember. All of the stuff I didn't want to remember; everything that I had tried to bury for years. Spencer held onto my hand despite the distrustful looks thrown my way every so often from Garcia.

"Is there anything else you want to know," I tried to say as lightly as I could.

"No… I have all I need."

"I'm going to go back to my desk and try to clear out some paper work." Spencer said, "Do you want to go back to your room?"

"Yes…"

We started to leave, but Garcia's voice rang out like a whip snapping through the air. "You better not have anything else to hide. I'll find it and -"

"Garcia…" Spencer said to her, sounding very exasperated.

"I don't trust her baby boy." Garcia said bluntly.

"We talked about this…"

"I know… I know… We need her."

She gave me a stone cracking look. "Hurt my sweet boy and there will be no place for you to hide."

Reid rolled his eyes and pulled me from the room. "She cares a lot about you." I observed.

"She can be stifling at times, but she means well."

We headed back to the elevator and he took me all the way to my room. He turned to leave, but I put a hand on his shoulder. "Reid… you do believe that I never wanted to hurt you."

His face closed down. "I don't know that for certain Amy. I want to believe in you, but I don't know you at all."

"You know everything about me." I protested.

"No… up until five minutes ago I didn't know your real name. It makes me wonder what else you aren't telling me."

I felt an anger rising up in my chest. "I don't really know you Dr. Reid. You lied to me too."

"I don't want to talk about this now. I don't have time."

"Fine… but answer me this… Why are we going into a safe house? This is a military base. Why are we leaving here?"

His eyes shut down again. "I can't tell you that. We'll talk about everything when we get to the safe house."

He left me standing there. I was trying to be angry, but I couldn't maintain it in my heart. He and the rest of his team were right about me. I had set out to take him away from a job that I knew he loved and from a family that would die or kill to protect him. I didn't deserve to be here. I should leave before I got him hurt.

I went into my room and gathered my things together. I began to pace the room. It wasn't fair to Reid that I should stay here and make the FBI protect me. I should go before he got hurt, or his family. I didn't belong here anyway.

I searched all over trying to find paper and something to write with. I was going to leave him a note. It would be better that way. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't have to see his eyes when I said goodbye.

I finally found some paper and a pen. I wrote the note and was just leaving my room when a voice came from one end of the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I turned to see a man standing at the end of the hall. "I'm Agent Johnson. Dr. Reid sent me to make sure you got out to the car."

"I don't -"

"Come with me and we'll meet up with Agent Hotchner and the rest of his team in the parking garage."

I shrugged and hefted the suitcase that had my belongings in it and followed the smiling agent into the elevator.

He didn't speak to me again until we got off on the garage level. I looked around and saw that we were alone in the cold concrete space. My shoes echoed off the hard floor as I turned in a circle looking for Reid and his team.

"Where is the team?"

"Oh… I don't think you need to worry about that." His hand flashed out and there was a sudden pain and dizziness as everything went dark around me.


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/n hey all. Thanks so much for your continued support. Here's the next chapter_**

**_Disclaimer: see first chapter_**

"Reid… Is she here?" Emily asked, sitting down across from the young man.

"Yeah… I have some files to finish work on and then we'll go to the safe house."

"Are you sure this is the way to -"

"Hotch thinks this is the best way to end this. I agree with him."

"She lied to you Reid." Emily started to say.

"Yes… and we lied to her, or I did," He shot back at the surprised Emily.

He got up from his chair and started across the room "Where are you going Reid."

"To the guest quarters," he told her. She watched him get on the elevator before going into Hotch's office.

--

Reid got off the elevator and went down the hall to the apartment Amy was staying in. He knocked on the door and waited. There was no response and his heart began to feel like ice water had replaced his blood.

"It's fine… She probably fell asleep again," He said to himself. He knocked again and panic jacked up his heart rate when she didn't answer the second summons.

He used the key Hotch had given him and real panic stole over him when he went inside and found the apartment empty but for the note she had written for him. He picked it up with a shaking hand, read the contents and sat down on the couch in stunned silence.

--

When Reid ran out of the elevator several minutes later, he knocked over three agents that were entering the cars from the bullpen.

"Watch where you're going Reid," One called out to him. The others laughed at the sight of the normally soft spoken agent looking really upset.

Reid ignored them and headed for Hotch's office. Hotch gathered the team together with Garcia in the conference room.

"Ms Ryan seems to be missing," Hotch informed them.

"How the hell did that happen?" Emily asked.

"I don't know… she wasn't in her room when I got there," Reid said sounding very defensive.

"We know it wasn't your fault." Rossi said.

"It looks like she left on her own." Hotch said, "Reid… why don't you read the note."

"Hotch…"

"I'm sorry Reid… The team needs to hear it." Hotch said grimly, but his eyes were kind.

Reid unfolded the paper in his hand and read out loud the letter that Amy had left for him.

_Dear Spencer,_

_By the time you get this I'll be gone. I can't stay with you and put you in more danger. It was wrong of me to come here in the first place. I was recruited by the agency when I was twenty one and still in college. They told me that they were a secret branch of Homeland security, dedicated to keeping the country safe from foreign threats. They didn't feel that answering to the President or Congress was something they needed to do because they thought that going through checks and balances was holding up the progress they could make. I was young and idealistic. I wanted to do something to protect the country. 9-11 scared me to death. I turned a blind eye to all the things they did in the name of protecting our freedoms. Thomas Jefferson once said that "eternal vigilance is the price of liberty," I believe that's true, but not at the price of innocent lives._

_I have a disc hidden in the First Bank of the District of Columbia. The key to the safe deposit box is in the apartment here in Quantico. It has a record of everything I have been able to gather on the agency since I first became suspicious of their activities. You see, I had to stay with them until I could prove my charges. I wanted to protect you Spencer. I thought this was the only way to do it. The name on the safety deposit box account is Diana Miller. The number is 0323. Get it, and you'll be able to bring them down. There is a second copy with my lawyers in Los Angeles, but I don't know if the agency has taken them out and have that copy. My instructions to them were to send it to the media if I disappeared or was killed. _

_Spencer… I love you. I have loved since the first time I saw the file on you. I hope you believe that. If I don't survive this night, don't mourn me. My life doesn't begin to make up for all the things I've done and the people I have hurt, including you. _

_Be happy, and know that I'll be looking out for you wherever I am._

_Love always, _

_Amy._

--

Hotch contacted a judge to get a warrant for the safety deposit box. He sent Morgan to go get the contents with Rossi and Emily. The bank manager was angry at being made to open the bank at ten pm, but the badge always got things done for them.

They brought the computer disc in to Garcia to analyze and while they waited they tried to decide what to do. Garcia had been through the footage from the security cameras at Quantico and Reid was beside himself to see her taken away by someone none of them recognized. He'd pistol whipped her and loaded her into a van with stolen license plates. Garcia tracked them to a corporation that didn't exist except on-line.

"Reid… Are you sure we can trust Amy?" Morgan demanded.

"Yes… Would you please back off Morgan?"

"How can you be sure," The older agent persisted.

"Because I'm an expert in handwriting analysis… She is telling the truth in this letter. There is no deception in what she says. Whatever Garcia finds on that disc will end this."

Morgan looked skeptical until Garcia called them and told them that everything on the disc was verifiable.

"It verifies everything you had me dig up on them Hotch."

Reid stared up at his boss in surprise. "Garcia is the operative we had on the inside of their organization?"

"Of course… Who else could hack in and not be noticed."

"Right… So our suspicions were correct. Erin Strauss is in to this to her neck." Reid said looking more curious than concerned.

"Yeah… I'm going to have the base police pick her up. She's probably in her office playing it cool."

"Why… What does she have to gain from Reid going to the dark side as it were?" Emily wanted to know.

"She's still trying to get rid of me. If Reid disappears or even went to them of his own free will she would have a reason to send me packing."

"But she has a family. She has to know she would go to prison for this." Reid said.

"Come on my man… You have to know that she doesn't care." Morgan said.

"Anyway… she might -" Hotch was interrupted by Garcia who was gesturing wildly from her seat at the other end of the room.

"I found more info. I finished the search on Amy… You'll never guess who the Director is…" She said excitedly.

"Baby girl… we aren't in the mood to guess here." Morgan said, but he smiled and Reid rolled his eyes.

"His name is Anthony Miller." She said with a flourish and the others stared at her.

Reid went pale or paler if that were possible. "Her father…" He squeaked. "She thinks he's dead, she told me so."

An agent poked his head into the room. "We have AD Strauss in custody… do you want to talk to her." He directed to Hotch.

"Yes… I do…"

"Hey boss man… I found one property here in DC. It's a private home in Arlington." Garcia said.

"Okay… Reid you are with me. Morgan and Rossi take Emily and some back up. Let's check it out."

"Hotch I want to -"

Hotch interrupted the young man, "No… I want you to talk to Erin Strauss!"

--

Reid entered the interrogation room with Hotch. Erin Strauss sat ramrod straight in her chair and glared up at Hotch.

"What do you mean arresting me? I want my advocate and I want to talk to the Director."

"Which one Strauss, Anthony Miller or the Director of the FBI, Charles North," Hotch asked.

Erin ignored him and looked at Reid instead. The young man offended her with his untidy appearance. His hair was too long and curly. With that hair, he looked very skinny and androgynous. The clothes he wore were ridiculous, he looked like he belonged teaching in a college somewhere. He looked very nervous and jumpy. Any minute now he would start spouting some odd fact and her headache would jack up another notch.

"I don't know any Anthony Miller." She said confidently, pulling her pink suit jacket down and adjusting it over her skirt of matching color. Her hair and make up were perfect and her shirt was crisp, white and un-wrinkled despite the lateness of the hour.

"We have evidence that you are involved in a conspiracy to subvert the Constitution of the United States. You have been plotting with Anthony Miller to coerce me into joining his organization. You still want to get rid of Aaron Hotchner." Reid said.

She narrowed her eyes at the young man. What had that little bitch told him? Had she betrayed the organization?

"I believe I directed my question to Agent Hotchner."

"Dr. Reid was the target of your plan. I think he can handle this interrogation." Hotch replied before getting up to leave the room.

"AD Strauss…. We have financial records that show regular deposits to an account in your name at National Bank in Richmond. You've been receiving checks in the amount of twenty thousand dollars a month for two years now." He pushed the file toward her, and then he actually smiled and winked at her. "Come on Erin… We both know that working for the government in these jobs doesn't net us that kind of money. You made more in three months than I make in a year."

"I don't find this at all amusing, Agent Reid." She spit out at him. A drop of sweat ran down her face. How had this young pup gotten a hold of her records?

"I think it's enough for an IAB investigation. Do you want to tell us where Amy Miller is, or do I call in IAB."

"This doesn't prove anything."

"Oh… I think it does. You tell us where Agent Miller is and I might be able to convince Garcia to make the records we have, disappear" Reid snapped his fingers.

"Don't play me Agent Reid… I've been in this game longer than you've been alive."

"I'm not playing with you. The van used to take Amy out of here was registered to a corporation that exists only on paper." Reid had been pacing, but now he sat down across the table from her. "That corporation is the same one you used to set up an account in the Cayman Islands. You've been slowly shifting your assets to an account there for the last six months. Are you getting ready to run Erin? What about your family and your husband?

Strauss's shoulders slumped. "I was doing my duty to my country. Aaron Hotchner is a disgrace to this Bureau. He's a loose cannon that needs to be -"

Reid slapped both hands on the table and pushed his face into her personal space. "Tell me where Amy was taken!"

"What's wrong Agent Reid…? Did she make you think she loves you…?" Strauss began to laugh. "She's a traitorous little bitch that was stupid enough not to realize her own father was at the head of the organization. She owes her very existence to him. She would have been dead long ago if he hadn't sent Agent Crawford to recruit her."

"Where is she," He asked again, tapping the file folder in front of her.

Strauss gave him the same address Garcia had found for them. "You're too late though…" She said, and Reid was stunned when she began to laugh. "Boom…" She said.

--

Rossi, Morgan and Emily pulled up to the white painted wooden house at the end of Fairstone Street. It was dark and the homes around it were dark as well. The van from the surveillance footage was parked to one side of the home.

"It's a brand new subdivision." Garcia was saying to Morgan as they got out of the SUV. Their back up was arriving with sirens silenced. "The homes around the property are empty."

"Good… less chance of innocents getting hurt." Morgan closed his phone.

"That explains the lack of landscaping or -"

An enormous explosion rocked the night. The house blew apart in a huge fireball. Debris rained over the agents who'd thrown themselves to the ground. The SUV they came in began to bleat as the car alarm sounded. There was nothing left!


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/n hello all. Here is the last chapter. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think even if you don't. My sincere thanks to all who have stuck by this story and reviewed. Also I must thank my wonderful Beta REIDFANATIC for all of her help and advice. **_

_**Disclaimer: see the first chapter **_

"How's Reid…" Morgan asked Hotch when they met in the conference room a week after the explosion in Arlington.

"He's devastated… How did you think he would be?" Hotch snapped. "She's dead. The explosion was so big and the fire so hot there was nothing left."

"I guess I don't understand how he could be so upset. He barely knew her and she was out to hurt him."

"Morgan… Maybe if you tried to have a relationship with a woman, you might understand love at first sight."

Morgan was about to say something caustic, when Garcia and Rossi entered the conference room with Emily on their heels.

"We rounded up the last of the big wigs. We got Miller, and some flunkies named Stanford and Crawford. There were about five agents in the FBI that have been arrested along with Strauss and a bunch of Miller's agents. The organization is out of business, and the President himself is calling for an investigation into Homeland Security." Garcia informed them.

"Well… it looks like we did it." Rossi said.

"There are still more of them out there." Hotch reminded them.

"Yeah… How is Reid going to handle all of this?" Emily asked them.

--

The sun was beginning to set and the sky was turning pink, and purple, and grey when Reid knocked on Hotch's office. The unit chief invited him inside and listened as the young agent spoke of what he planned to do. He handed Hotch an envelope.

"I want to talk to the team. Can we meet in the conference in a half an hour?"

"Of course Reid… Whatever you like?"

Reid left the office without another word… Hotch opened the envelope and read the contents. He sat down suddenly in his chair and put his head in his hands.

--

"What do you mean, you're leaving." Morgan nearly shouted and was shushed by Garcia. She sat with one hand held by Kevin, her face white. The others looked stunned.

"I'm leaving. Hotch has my resignation and has accepted it.

"But why Spence…" JJ asked holding his hand tightly in hers, while Emily clasped the other one in hers.

"I can't do this anymore. I almost died because of Tobias Henkel. Gideon left and I had to go through drug rehab. Now Amy's gone. I can't handle anymore loss. I'm tired of all the unhappiness and the pain this job brings with it. I want some peace and quiet.

Morgan opened his mouth, but both Rossi and Hotch silenced him with hard looks. Hotch turned back to Reid. "What are you going to do?"

Reid untangled one hand from JJ and said "Did you know that the Jews in ancient times considered the male a man only when he obtained the age of thirty."

The all gaped at him. "Ah… what does that have to do with anything sweet cheeks?" Garcia wanted to know.

"I'm twenty seven years old. I've been trying to be a man since I was ten and my father left. I want to be a kid, and lie around on a beach somewhere and get sunburned. I want to act my age, not twenty years older.'

"So you're saying you want to spend the next two and a half years slacking off in Rio or something." Morgan quipped.

"Yes… The only good thing my father did for me and my mother was leaving his stock portfolio behind. He wanted us to have money. We've been living off the interest for years. In fact I've been putting all the money I've made from this job in the bank. The interest takes care of my mother too."

"Wait… You're saying that you've got millions stashed away somewhere." Morgan asked looking thunderstruck.

"Well… Yes…" Reid admitted and they all laughed. "Look… I'm not going to squander all of it. I'm going to write a book or two. I've been talking to a friend about doing the text for a graphic novel he's drawing and there are other projects out there for me to work on. I just can't deal with the death and suffering anymore."

"Reid… if this is about Amy..."

"No… I mean not entirely… I was thinking about quitting for awhile, but this case was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. So yes… I'm going to go on an extended vacation till I put my life back together."

"You don't have to do this." Emily said and a solitary tear started down her face. He extracted his hand from hers and smiled at her. "Yes… I have to do this." He said his tone kept any argument at bay.

--

Reid opened the door to his new apartment in LA. He dropped his messenger bag on the hand carved wooden chair that sat next to the front door. There was the smell of tomatoes and garlic in the air, and the radio was playing. Michael MacDonald was singing his version of "Ain't no mountain high enough."

He looked over at the kitchen and watched her dance while she cooked. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun, and all she wore was one of his dress shirts that he hadn't gotten around to throwing out.

He crept up to her and put his arms around her. She shrieked and then relaxed when he nipped her ear. "Hello gorgeous," She whispered when he spun her around for a proper kiss.

"Hello yourself… I missed you something awful."

"I'm sorry baby…" She put down the spoon she was holding in one hand and turned down the sauce to a simmer.

He followed her to the dark blue leather couch in the living room and sat down. "Why are you apologizing?" He asked her.

She watched him with her green eyes and he felt shivers run down his back. "Because I scared you with the whole faking my death thing… I didn't know the explosion was going to be quite so intense. I guess my friend Johnson miscalculated." She said apologetically.

"How did you get out of there?" Reid asked. He was absently stroking her head and it was making her warm all over. They had stayed away from each other for too long.

"Let's just say I paid attention when you showed me how to get out of your cuffs." She grinned at him. "It's a good thing I'm a quick study."

"I didn't think you were paying attention. I thought you were humoring me." He said.

"No… I'm just glad Johnson is dead. He was one of their best." She shuddered.

"I am too…"

"Well… what did you find out?" She asked, getting up to go back to the kitchen.

"No one suspects that you're alive, not even my team." He told her.

"I wish you hadn't quit…"

"You know I didn't want to be there. Anyway… until all of the people you worked with are found, you're not safe."

"Will we ever be able to go back?"

"I don't know…" He said honestly.

"What are we going to do?"

"I want to travel." He told her.

"Really…. Where did you want to go Dr. Reid?" She was playing with his tie.

"Somewhere with a lot of sun," He said.

"Okay… how about Hawaii."

"That would be wonderful." He kissed her and then laughed when the pot on the stove began to hiss.

She turned the heat off. "You want something to eat."

"No… I think that can wait." He picked her up and carried her to their room.

"You're insatiable." She giggled.

"I know… but you love it."

She yanked off his tie when he laid her on the bed. "Shut up and kiss me Dr. Reid.

--

When Amy woke up this time Spencer was already dressed and putting on his Converse shoes. "Hey… lazy bones…" He said, tossing her jeans on the bed. "Get up and get dressed, I have a surprise for you."

"I don't like surprises," She pouted, but he only smiled and crooked his finger at her.

"Don't you trust me?"

"No… but I'll get up anyway." She grabbed her pants, and sashayed over to the closet for a tee shirt and underwear.

"I'll be in the living room." He told her and left the bedroom.

When Amy walked into the living room several minutes later, she was met by the sight of Reid and the rest of his team sitting on the couch and other chairs, except for Morgan who stepped up and took her arms.

"Amy Ryan… you're under arrest for espionage and treason against the United States. You have the right to remain silent…"

Reid watched Morgan read Amy her rights, and the stunned look of betrayal and hurt that came over her face. He almost lost the resolve that had been keeping him going for the last weeks. Emily stood and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Spencer… What are they doing?" Amy squeaked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I should think it's obvious." Hotch said, cutting off Reid when he opened his mouth and silencing him with a look. "Did you really thing Reid would harbor a fugitive and go off beach hopping with you. "

"I helped you…" Amy raged, her face turning red. "I gave you everything you needed to bring the organization down."

"Yes… you did, but you also plotted against us and Reid. If you'd just come to us with what you had, all of this might have been avoided.

Now, I might be able to put in a good word for you. There is a chance that the DA may decide not prosecute because you're a little fish, and they got the big fish."

Seeing the look of hope that came over her face Hotch held up a hand. "Even if you are spared prosecution, you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program until the rest of the agency is rounded up."

"Spencer… Please help me." She begged him.

"I've done all I can for you Amy. I'll always care for you, but I can't spend the rest of my life on the run."

"So... It was all a lie. You never had any intention of quitting the FBI or coming with me. Why.." Reid ignored her. He looked at the floor instead of her tear stained face.

Morgan dragged her to the door and into the custody of the agents backing them up from the LA office. Spencer shut the door, sat on the couch and put his face in his hands.

"You okay man." Morgan said gently.

"No…" came the muffled reply. "But I'll be okay."

"You're the best actor I've ever met Spence." JJ said proudly. She laid a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to give her a grateful smile "You got her to believe you'd actually stay with her and help her hide."

"Yeah… I guess I am." Reid agreed, but something tore in his heart and he'd never be the same again.

"Why the big act in Quantico?" Morgan asked.

"We had to be careful... They still have people out there, who knows if we got them all." Hotch told him.

"What are you going to do with this place?" Morgan changed the subject.

"I'm going to keep it… At least for awhile," He turned to Hotch. "I need a leave of absence Hotch."

"I know…" Hotch smiled at him. "It's been arranged for you to take as much time as you need." He turned to the rest of the group. "We all have two weeks off, no matter what happens at the Bureau."

The group cheered and Hotch even cracked a smile. "I'm going to get Jack and take off for a couple of weeks. Haley isn't happy about it, but I don't care."

"Good for you Aaron…" Rossi said clapping him on the shoulder.

"Hey Reid…" Emily called his attention to her. "What are you going to do?"

"I still want to go to the beach."

"Sounds like fun…" Emily agreed.

"Yeah… why don't we all go?" JJ said and Reid smiled widely.

"You kids do your own thing. I have other plans." Rossi said.

He and Hotch left the apartment and the others planned their getaway, while Morgan called Garcia to let her know everything was okay. She was spending her two weeks with Kevin.

"Okay… so where are we going." JJ asked with a gleam in her eyes.

"How about Hawaii," Emily suggested?

"No…" Reid said quickly.

The all looked at him strangely. He gave them a tight smile. "I just don't want to go there, too many tourists."

"Okay… then how about Miami." JJ said.

The others stared her down and she held up her hands. "Okay… what about Rio." She elbowed Reid and he started to laugh.

"Only if Reid is footing the bill," Morgan grinned.

"Sure… If not for you all, I couldn't have done this."

"Reid… We can't accept that," Emily protested weakly.

"Yes… You can accept it. I wasn't kidding about my money." He said blandly.

"Alright… Rio it is!" The group chorused together.

The team left Reid to get ready for their trip. He shut the door on them and went to his room. A photograph of Amy with him at the mall in Arlington sat framed on the night table. It was one of those black and white photos you get at the booths for five for a dollar. They were making funny faces at each other. They looked so happy together. Was it all a lie? He looked at it for several long moments before pulling it out of the frame and sticking it into his wallet. A solitary tear tracked down his face. He wiped it away and began to pack.

THE END


End file.
